Wendy Knits MA 2014

It’s late, so just a quick knitting update.  I’m out of my funk to some degree.  I’m trying to stay that way by immersing myself in the squishyness of some gorgeous blues/purples Melody yarn. I’m making the Wendy Knits mystery shawl with it.

image

A small preview of….well…a tiny bit of shawl and a pretty good picture of the yarn colors. I love the camera on this new Galaxy S5!  I’m in love with the colors of this yarn, but I wish that it was more squishy and cozy. I think if I like the way this Knits I’m going to dive into my stash of colors of Alpaca Silk DK and make one full of squishy softness.

Drama, Drama, Drama

WARNING: This post contains personal life stuff as well as knitting. If you don’t want to read my drama skip to the third paragraph…

I have been woefully lacking in my attempt to post at least three times a week.   It’s been a hell of a month…I have hardly even held needles since my last Turn a Square Hat post. More on that in a bit…  So here’s a, quick overview of the situation that got us to where we are today.  My husband and I separated 2 1/2 years ago and during that time an old friend became A LOT more. Long story short we fell madly in love extremely quickly.  We have been inseparable ever since. The only thing that changed was the fact that both of us were heavily on the rebound when we got together and it all kind of fell apart after six months. He dumped me over the phone…while I was in the HOSPITAL!  We stayed close and we are now best friends and roommates. The thing is, until a month ago we lived our lives like nothing had changed. We had no title but it was exactly the same as it was when we were together. We slept in the same bed, had sex, are still raising his son and my boys together, visit our (I adopted them all in my heart and they repay ed the favor in kind) family together. I’m Aunt Shannon to his niece and nephew. We still hug and I kiss him on the cheek or shoulder before bed, then say I love you to each other. It was a twisted relationship for sure,  but it worked. Then he met a random Internet girl and it’s all chaos. I’m a jealous wreck even though I really have no right to be.  It feels like he just broke up with me again. And bc he doesn’t have a car he wants to use mine to go spend the night with her. It’s kind of like an ice pick in my heart but I give in occasionally bc I want him to be happy. I’m making an effort to get to know her;  I’m hoping it will make things easier for me. I can’t even imagine seeing them together,  though. If they cuddle or make out or hold hands in front of me I might burst into tears.  Such a, messed, up situation. He’s mad at me bc I’m not jumping up and down with joy about this and I have no clue how to fake that kind of enthusiasm. I’m at the point where I’m just praying for the strength to make it through this. The weird thing is that I don’t think it’s about him not being with me, it’s more about being terrified about the changes to our friendship that will inevitably occur in our friendship.  I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve never known a woman who was comfortable with her new boyfriend living with his female best friend who also happens to be his ex who he still slept with until just before they met. She seems pretty cool so far though.  We’ve messaged back and forth on Facebook today.  Enough whining for today…I think that this blog maybe a vehicle for trying to sort out the emotional baggage that I have…my romantic life is a shambles, I’m terrified of the divorce, and I worry I’m about to lose my best friend…I’m a mess.

Boy it felt GOOD to get that out.  I welcome thoughts, advice,  opinions etc. Onto knitting:  As I said,  I have done very little on the needles. Turn a Square Hat has been allocated to the frog pile. I love the, pattern and intend to try again, but my join at the beginning of the round looked bad. I could have lived with that and called it unique but when it came time for smaller needles stitches got dropped and ran a lot. It was purely a, disaster.
I did do a little work on my Clapotis. I love the green-blue colorway – called 7th Heaven – and the softness and shine of the bamboo.
I have been spinning though. I’ve been doing a little practice plying on the wheel. I still don’t ever think I’ll get it right…but I’ll keep trying. I was trying to chain ply my Kareoke singles in the Playful colorway to maintain the color changes. Not such a great result.

image

I spun the singles really thin (seems that’s all I can do now that I mastered it) and during the plying there was a lot of singles snapping and splitting in half. I’ll keep at it though.   Finally I’m spindle spinning a merino/tencel combo 80/20 I believe.  The colorway is called Little Bunny Foo Foo. It’s a blend of yellow then green then lt. Purple and finished off with pink. I tore it into strips to maintain color patterns. I’m finished with 2 of them and the third is, on the spindle already.

image

I can’t decide how to ply it, but the singles are fine and thin. I’m thinking either straight 3 ply or chain plying. Again, thoughts are always appreciated.
One more opinion type thing if you are so inclined. I need to shake things up a bit. My hair needs a drastic change for divorce time. Thoughts???

image

Here it is now…ugh. definitely Need something new. Thanks again, if you made it this far…

Kick Me….

Please, someone kick me in the butt and get me to work on these knitting goals I have set. I’ve joined the Wendy Knits Mystery Shawl Along and am challenging myself to knit 1000 yards as well as wheel spin 6 oz. of fiber (any suggestions….fiber, way to spin, weight etc. Think of me as a total noob who has the fortune, or misfortune of being able to spin only fairly thinly.)Then there is the dreaded plying part…I challenged myself to ply at least 1/2 of the singles spun on the wheel. I dread plying more than anything else for some reason. I’ve never really taken the time to get to know how to do it properly and now I’m scared of messing up perfectly passable singles while trying to “fiddle” with them more.
I got all my yarn and fiber out for a Ravelry stash update and sadly lacking fiber stash. I was going to post some fibery porn for y’all today, but haven’t gotten around to it. I got a new phone yesterday (Galaxy s5) and it’s great so far. So much to play with that I haven’t gotten down all the little tricks and shortcuts. Any tips much appreciated. :)
So B having a girlfriend is a lot harder on me than even I thought it would be. I realize that he’s right in the respect that if I really love him and he really is my best friend, then I should want him to be happy. And I do. I’m just so freaking selfishly worried about what happens to me as this….relationship….progresses. What girlfriend in their right mind would be okay with her new man living with his best friend, who just happens to be a female, who just happens to be his ex, who’s kids just happen to call him dad….I just don’t see her sitting back and respecting the friendship we have. I am terrified that she’s going to make him choose and three years of friendship goes flying out the window for some chick who I doubt will still be around in 6 months. It happens that way….Living together was complicated enough when we were friends “with benefits”. There was a release for the tension that builds constantly in this house, there was a balance somehow. He thinks I was pretending we were a couple, and maybe in the ease of living way, I was. It’s easy to get into a routine. I don’t want us to necessarily be together, but I also don’t want this little family that we’ve built with me and him and my kids and his son to go away. I just don’t see how the two things: his new relationship and our little blended family can be anything but mutually exclusive. Any thoughts?
This I why I need to get the needles and wheels and fiber and yarn etc. and loose myself in it. I need to stop the brain from whirring along and turning this into some horrible situation where I feel like my whole way of life is being fucked with and that I have to fight or run. I need to learn to chill out and see what comes next. How though? I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand.
Okay, thanks for coming to my pity party. It was rather impromptu, but I appreciate those of you who stuck around. I will throw a fiber porn party tomorrow, once I figure some shit out with my new phone, to make up for this maudlin crap today. Hope you are all having a fluffy or silky or whatever floats your boat kind of fibery day…

When knitting isn’t enough…

Some days not even the knitting soothes me.  My life is such a confusing mess right now.  I’m in the middle of a divorce that I didn’t/ still don’t really want.  I’m struggling with child custody issues and my depression.  The divorce is not something I can change.  So I tried moving on (can we all say rebound is a BAD thing).  B and I had a great 6 month thing  and then have been best friends ever since.  A weird kind of friends…I guess they call it friends with benefits.  We live together, have meals together, sleep in the same bed periodically etc.  It hasn’t been perfect, but it’s a situation that works (ed) for both of us.  Now B is ready to start dating and it’s screwingl with my head a little.  I knew that it wasn’t going to last this way forever  but delusion and comfort are a bitch.  So now he’s seeing this new girl – using my car of all things (I think I’m way too easy when it comes to giving him use of my things sometimes) tomorrow and spending the night.  I’m a little jealous, if I’m honest, but my concern lie a lot more toward losing my roommate, my best friend and the small amount of stability I’ve been able to give my kids since my marriage fell apart.   ETA: So it’s 2 hours since I started this and can I just say…PITY PARTY anyone?!?!?! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, kick my own ass and make life what I want it to be on my terms. Next post will be pretties….spindle, yarn and fiber porn for ya’ll…LOL

Still Standing

…but just barely.  I hate summer colds more than anything else. It did get me started on some yarn organization that desperately needs to be done.  I’m even planning on taking new photos of all my yarn and my stash (which I have historically been too lazy to take pictures of) and get all of my stash updated on Ravelry.

I’ve decided that I’m giving in to the pull from those damn little Hexipuff’s.  They are too cute.

Didn’t get more than a few rows done in the last few days, but I’m hoping to make some of that up tomorrow….fingers crossed….

A Square Turn Hat…

I haven’t posted in a long time again.  I get into depressive funks and let everything go.  I’m working on that.  I’ve finally picked the needles back up. Instead of the big projects that I inevitably start with enthusiasm for their beauty and complexity but lose interest in before I finish them, I’m going to work on small projects that allow me to use some of the one skein of each color that I have of far too many yarns.

To that end I’ve cast on A Square Turn Hat by Jarred Flood and am really enjoying the knit.  The Tubular cast on was new to me and I wasn’t sure about it, but I sailed through the instructions.  I’m into the color work straight portion right now, closing in on the crown decreases.  I feel so excited about something that will be done soon.  I will take and post pictures soon.