The Baby Quest Begins

So today is my first day taking the Clomid at a higher dose.  I took the two pills this morning and I’m waiting for horrible side effects to kick in.  So far so good.  Last time I took Clomid (at 1/2 the current dose) I had some moodiness, lost my appetite almost completely and couldn’t sleep for more than an hour or so at a time for the entire five days.  I took it at night last time in hopes of avoiding some of the bitchier side effects.  I paid with sleep.  So we’ll see how this goes.

I’m really feeling anxious about this!  I want to have another baby so badly I can taste it.  Every time I see a baby on TV or a pregnant woman or someone shopping with a newborn I just want to bawl my eyes out.  I’m grateful that I have the wonderful child that I have and I know there are so many women who don’t even have the one who are going through what I am and even worse, but it doesn’t change the visceral reaction I have to seeing these things.

Having the world’s most hellacious period doesn’t help matters, I have to admit.  I was complaining last week about bleeding heavily for over 3 weeks; yeah, let’s go back to that.  This bleeding is MUCH heavier and the cramps are horrible.  It’s almost like VERY mini-labor.  My hip bones feel like they want to pop out…LOL  So I’m in bed (or on couch depending on the time of day) and I’m playing TV, computer, and knitting catch up.  I plan to (read: hope to) finish the Moderne Baby Blanket in the next day or so.  I have block #10 and the border left and I’m done.  Then I have the 2nd 1/2 of Anouk to finish for my friend Lisa’s new baby girl, Ainsley (isn’t that a beautiful name?)  I have to say that Anouk is one of the favorite projects that I’ve done lately.  I love the yarn – Cascade’s Pima Tencel – it’s so soft and the colors are so vibrant.  I’m using the same colors that are used in the pattern and I love it.  I’d like to make another one in the future using some softer colors as well.  I think it would make a pretty little tunic in pastels. We’ll see.

My 52 pair plunge seems to have plunged itself right down the toilet.  I haven’t even finished the first pair.  I’m getting ready to order the replacement needles that I need so that I can get back to work.

We’re getting ready to leave for a week in Pittsburgh tomorrow.  Wondering how that car ride will go with the cramps?  TJ has to work there and we don’t like being apart for a week if we don’t have to.  It’s fun to get a chance to take Jake to different states and for him to see different things.  Doesn’t look like we’ll have a lot of time this time around to go a museum or an aquarium, but I’m sure we’ll find something to do.  We’re staying at one of my favorite hotels: the Hampton Inn.  I gotta tell you that the beds at this hotel are to die for.  OMG…so comfortable.

Gotta run…Jake wants to play War.  It’s his new favorite card game and he’s pretty good at it.  It’s been great for helping him learn numbers and what number is bigger than what other number etc.  Later folks…

Sick Kitty

Just a quick note.  I haven’t been blogging much in the last few days.  It’s been hectic around here.  I’ve got my first appointment with the fertility people on Wednesday and I’m nervous as hell about that.  I’m terrified about what I’m going to hear and what it’s going to mean for us in terms of having another baby, which I want desperately.

We’re also dealing with the (seemingly) imminent demise of one of our precious kitties.  Miss Melly, who turned 10 in July, had a rather large lump removed from her mammary gland back in late September/early October.  The vet said he was fairly confident that it was malignant and we let it go from there.  We decided that we weren’t going to subject her to chemo. etc. and I think there was a part of me that just really wanted to believe that he was wrong.  I thought maybe we had beaten the odds when she didn’t start losing weight or acting differently (not that we’d really know since she’s our scardey-cat who hides all the time).  She’s still eating, drinking, using her box etc. but she’s been coughing a bit since yesterday (which is one of the things the vet said would happen if the cancer spread to her lungs) and her breathing has been a little laboured (again, she’s a hugely fat cat and I hadn’t thought much about the breathing b/c of the weight that she’s carrying.  Her personality has changed a bit…she isn’t quite as timid as she’s been in the past.  The other day she just lay there and let Jake pet her, something that has only very rarely happened ever; she usually jumps and runs to hide at the sound of his voice.  The vet gave her about 6 months if it was cancerous (which I think we’re pretty sure about at this point) and she’s made it about 4 so far.  I’m praying for those other two months, but not sure we’re going to get them.  She’s spending a lot of time in bed with me cuddled up and I’m treasuring those moments.  She’s my older cat’s baby and I’ve been with her since she was born.  She was the runt of her litter and now she’s one of the fattest cats I’ve ever seen.  I can still remember so well holding her minutes after she was born, watching her ears and eyes open and those first tentative steps.  We haven’t spent a lot of time together as she’s, like I said, quite timid and if anyone else is around she hides.  Whenever anyone is in the bathroom, though, if she can get in, she will.  It’s like she knows if you’re sitting on the toilet, she’s safe asking for petting b/c you won’t be able to jump up and grab her and she’s got the upper hand in a running situation.  I love this cat with all my heart and I’m going to miss her so very, very much!!

Please, please, please, if you have female kittens, get them spayed BEFORE their first heat cycle.  The most recent statistic I read was that 91% of cats who are spayed before then will not develop breast cancer.  That drops to 86% if they are spayed before their 2nd birthday and after that there is no benefit from a breast cancer stand point.  I really wish we had been more diligent with Melly and not waited until she was 4 to get her fixed.  There’s nothing I can do to change it, but I can tell you all to please, please and again, please take my advice here.  I’m going to dig up some pictures of her and post them as soon as I can.  I wish I had more than a few, but she’s never really been the type to sit still and let you snap away.  😦