Along with the pouring rain comes sleet and hail or 31 Weeks Pregnant

We’ve made it to 31 weeks…YAY!!!  Major milestone considering that 4 or 5 days ago I was convinced that this baby was coming in the next few days ready or not… They had already warned me about not eating too much breakfast on any given day that I felt “lousy” when waking up and had given my the 2 day/2 dose betamethasone shot to get Connor’s lungs matured faster than nature might intend.  I spent the entire weekend hooked up to belts and monitors at the Labor and Delivery Triage while they poked and prodded and took blood and urine and tried to determine if I was going to go home, stay there for monitoring or go straight to O.R. (do not pass go, do not collect your baby until weeks of NICU).  In the end I got to go home but with a prescription for Ambien and strict instructions to take it up to twice a day if that’s what it took to keep my happy ass in bed where it belongs.  So home I went and I did take the Ambien twice, but only on the first day and only b/c I was exhausted and the thought of uninterrupted sleep was like a little bit of manna from the Gods above.  I slept for 4 hours uninterrupted that afternoon (man did I have to pee when I woke up, though)

This week has been all about going to the doctor, the dietician, the perinatologist and anyone else that feels like looking at, poking or prodding me.  I’ve had non-stress tests, 24 hour urine tests, liver enzyme and kidney function tests and that’s just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.  My blood sugar (even with the upped insulin) is still up and down, but we think that it has to do with the fact that I’m not eating on a regimented enough schedule, so for the next week I have to eat breakfast at 7:30, snack by 9:30, lunch between 11am and noon, snack by 2-3pm, dinner around 6 ish and a bedtime snack around 9 to 10 pm.  In theory this will bring my sugar to a predictable level.  It may be a predictable high level still, but at least then we’ll know that I need more insulin rather than wondering if it’s the fact that I skipped this meal or that snack that are causing my numbers to go all over the place.  YAY!  My blood pressure is also all over the place.  Just today I had a 138/77 at one doctor’s office and 20 minutes (and no stress or activity) later it was 147/90 at the other doctor’s office.  I come home and take the Labetalol that they prescribed for this problem and it makes me pressure spike even more 147/88; okay, I guess not more exactly, but this med is supposed to LOWER my pressure not keep it the same and make the headaches worse.  ARGH!!!

We did have an ultra-sound today, so I got to see the little bub.  At 31 weeks, my little piggy weighs 4lbs 11oz.  That’s almost 5 lbs.  What the hell is he going to weight at 36 weeks or God help me 39 weeks.  Thank the Lord above for c-sections!!!  Everything with him looks good.  He beat the hell out of me for the whole ultra-sound, which they tell me is a good thing.  He’s a strong little boy and I’m grateful for that!!  Keep it up Connor, Mommy knows you can do it!!!

I’m still on bed rest which makes for all sorts of strange things.  I’m playing a lot of friend catch up on Facebook and it’s so funny the people who you hadn’t thought of in years, or the people from your past that you hated or that hated you that step up and are really supportive and there for you when you are in crisis.  It proves that people really do grow and change after high-school and that, unfortunately there are some people who you always thought would be there for you for your whole life, no matter what, no matter how far away you were, no matter where life took you…you know, the kind of people who you were such a part of and were such a part of you that people thought of you as one person for most of your formative years; people you thought of beyond the meager bonds of friendship and into family that just don’t seem to give a flying…well, you get the picture.  I have a friend like that and I’m not sure what I did to make her have such antipathy for me and for the situation I’m in.  It would have gone such a long way to hear any small words of encouragement from her re: this situation; just to have her ear for an hour the way I used to so I could babble or we could talk about the old days or anything to keep my mind off the horror that is bed-rest etc.  She seems to have decided that I’m not worthy of being a part of her life anymore and I have to accept that.  I don’t hold it against her, of course, I wish her all the happiness in the world; if anyone deserves it it’s her and the wonderful man she married (who I don’t get to hear from anymore either, but that, I guess is to be expected).  I hope they live the rest of their lives in unmitigated bliss having everything they want and all the joy they can take from it.  I just hope she thinks of what we had on occasion and maybe misses me a little bit.  I will always miss her.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about the past while stuck in this bed.  Little OCD fits, I call them.  Sometimes I miss being in high school.  Things were much simpler then.  Fun didn’t have as many consequences and you had everything to look forward to.  Some of my new FB friends are making me think more and more about that past and just how very long ago it was.  Do you ever wonder if there was any way to get some of that back?  Of course then the rational part kicks back in and realizes that the life we all have as adults is so much more rewarding than being 16 or 17 again could ever be, but as John Travolta and Olivia Newton John put it best: “Oh, those Summer nights….”  I leave you with that thought for tonight.  Ponder it well and think about what you miss and what you would love to go back to for just one night…I know what my choice would be, no competition!

Feeling Friendless…or maybe just sorry for myself…

I think cabin fever has finally gotten to me.  I’ve cut my pain meds. down a SIGNIFICANT amount as well as completely getting off of Zoloft and I’m seeing a HUGE change in myself and my drive to have a life.  You know, like I have the drive to have a life that doesn’t revolve around solo knitting, interneting and sleeping.  The problem is…I think I’ve driven all my friends away with my past ho-hum attitude and my unwillingness to make – or keep, if I’m being honest – plans.  ARGH!!  When Andrea lived with us I had a built in friend even if I bitched about the lack of privacy at times.  When she first left, it was a relief; I didn’t have to deal with being “on” at all, ever, if I didn’t want to.  One of the best things about having her around was her dragging me to things like knit night and other events even if I didn’t feel like getting dressed and going anywhere.  I always had such a good time with “the girls”, that was never the problem.  I didn’t even want to go home at the end of the afternoon/evening once I got there, it was the motivation to get there that was killing me.  Much like my sex life, but that’s a whole other story for a different day/post.  In a lot of ways, Andrea was really good for me and my social life.  Now she’s gone, though.  Has been since late Aug. and it’s just now really effecting me and my socializing (sad commentary about the state of my life, huh?)

So she’s gone and TJ and I are out of the “blue house” in Kalamazoo and living in our very own (bought and paid for) house in Battle Creek.  Hmmm…my blog name doesn’t fit anymore.  Somehow, though, Battle Creek Mommy Knits doesn’t sound as good.  I like the alliteration.  I think I’ll keep Kalamazoo Mommy…it sounds better and it’s close enough.  But I digress…  So we’re in our own home and it’s still got a long way to go.  All the rooms are livable, but the bedrooms need painting and ours needs carpet.  We need blinds, I’m sick of the neighbors, who I think might be drug dealers (both sides, sigh), being privy to every aspect of our lives.  The biggest issue, though, is the kitchen.  We still have to drag our appliances from blue house to this one (before the 10th when the house belongs to the bank…thanks again, Rachel, for the royal screwing) and finish bringing the furniture.  Had we known that we were going to buy this house we wouldn’t have planned a three week trip to the other side of the country right before Christmas.  What’s done is done, though, and whining and bitching won’t fix it.  We need to get the shit done and get a kitchen in my house.  We are making due surprisingly well, though, with a refrigerator down the basement, an electric fry pan, two crock pots and a microwave.  We managed to have Christmas Eve at our house for family, feed them and even have leftovers.  Sweet and sour meatballs…mmmm…oops, I’m digressing again.  LOL  We also need to go out and buy a new love seat, the chaise chair we have, while comfy and pretty, isn’t really a very viable option for company.  I think a love seat that matches the club chair and couch would be a much better fit.  Especially since I want to start hosting a knit/spin night here once a month.  I feel like I have so much to give back to my knitting friends and I love the thought of entertaining in my very own home.  I admit, too, there’s the smallest pull at the thought of not having to go out and still being social; old habits and all…

So now I’m starting to feel a lot more like my old self.  The self I was back before I moved to Kalamazoo 10 years ago.  When I was still down in the Detroit area there was very rarely a night when I just sat at home in front of the TV doing nothing.  I was always out and about.  Clearly hurting my back the way I did when Jake was born changed a lot of that, but I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly before he was born, either.  Living up north created, or brought to the surface, most of the fears that have plauged me for the last 4 years or so.  The fear of driving being right up there with reasons for me to stay (safely) in the house.  Cutting down the meds and this new house (new start?) seem to have taken care of that.  I actually left the house today to go shopping and out to eat with Jake while TJ is out of town.  There was plenty of food in the house and no reason I HAD to leave, but I made the choice and I’m happy to have done it.  I felt so normal when we got home.  Sad, huh?  Now that I’m ready to have a social life again, though, I fear that I’ve driven away the very people I want to be social with.

I’ve blown off or declined to make plans with Shannon more times than I can count and I don’t even know how to start going about making that up to her.  Sorry, if you’re reading this.  My knitting girls I haven’t seen in over a year – I keep saying I’m going to come to knit events and then blow them off.  Not that I think it really effects anyone one way or the other if I’m there or not, but it does kind of destroy my credibility.  So now I’m feeling like maybe it would be better for me to just try to make all new friends (my favorite M.O.).  The problem is that I DON’T WANT TO!!  I like the friends that I have/had and I want to get back into the swing of things.  I just don’t seem to know how.  See, I warned the world in my post title that I’m feeling seriously sorry for myself tonight.  I’m bored to death and wish I was out doing something, of course I can’t be with TJ out of town and Jake here.

Jake and I spent the whole day today, other than when we were out, playing Wii.  I love, love, love that thing.  BEST Christmas gift we got this year.  Jake loves bowling, fishing (UGH) and billiards.  He’s really good at bowling, too, and often out scores both his father and myself.  It’s so cute to watch him play.  It’s not enough, though.  I need friends, I need a life outside of this house.  I will NOT be a prisoner in my own house, mind etc. anymore.  I WILL overcome this, somehow.  Any thoughts, advice etc. are more than welcome!!

If you’re still here and reading, thanks…there will be actual knitting content next time, which will be soon.  Have a happy new year everyone!!

A little of this and a little of that.

Maybe not as better as I thought.  The kidney infection is still gone, thank God, but now I’m plauged with cluster or migraine headaches that suck just as badly if not worse.

I”m getting my shit together, though.  Even though it was late, I got my secret swap package sent.  I really hope she likes it.  I plan to spoil her rotten next month (the last package) to make up for the lateness.  I’ve wanted to be a much better swap partner than I’ve been, but my swapee has been so great and understanding about everything I’ve been through.  I’ve been blessed with great swap partners on both sides. Since my camera seems to be another of the things on the dead list, I thought I would just go ahead and describe what I got in my first package ( a little late, I know, but I was hoping to have pictures instead of just describing…argh).  First and foremost I got an amazing skein of sock yarn from the Great Aiderondak Yarn Company; mostly deep, saturated blues and burgandies with some orange, green and purple thrown in for good measure.  Swapper (I’m tired of saying “my partner” etc. so I will just call her swapper for now) said that she hoped it would inspire me to try my hand at socks and all I can say to her is “enabler!” LOL.  I am going to try to make a pair of socks with it once I’ve finished up my commitments to X-mas knitting.  There were goodies for Jake (too sweet) also a Disney towel that expands and opens when you throw it in the water…I’m saving that for a day that a bath is the last thing on his agenda.  There were two stunning stitch markers that had leaf charms on them and I’m in love…of course I’m a total stitch marker whore to begin with so that isn’t too surprising.  There was a tub of body butter (another of my weaknesses in life; I swear Swapper read my mind) in a very relaxing lavendar scent…great for right before bed moisturizing; calming and soothing scents help me drift off to sleep (now if I could only stay asleep…)  I saved the best for last, though, an absolutely charming little project bag with squirrels and pumpkins all over it; the perfect autumn project bag.  I will post pictures as soon as I get the camera working again, or get a new one, whichever comes first. 🙂

On the house front, it’s a done deal now.  We had our inspection and everything came back okay, so we’re going ahead and will be closing on election day.  We’re hoping to be fully moved in by Christmas.  There’s quite a bit to do in the kitchen.  That’s an understatement, really.  We have to gut the whole thing and start over.  I’m excited about that prospect, though.   It means that the floors, counters and cupboards will all be our choices and that will make it feel even more like home.  We’re also going to get all new fixtures and lighting to start with. Those will be our two big before we can move in projects.  There are a lot of other little changes and tweaks that we want to do here and there, but they will come over time.  There is so much really beautiful old, dark wood in the house and I’m in love with it.  I’d love to be moved in even sooner, but we leave for CA and AZ in mid-November and will be gone for 3 weeks.  It makes for a bit of a crunch to get everything done in time for moving in; in my insanity I’ve insisted that I want to host Christmas Eve for my MIL, BIL and SIL (really by BIL’s girlfriend, but they’ve been together since Jake was a newborn and she’s his “Aunt Katiebugs” so that makes her family in my book) in the new house.  The offer was made in the excitement of getting the house and I’m a little stressed about it, but I don’t regret it.  It’s my motivation to stay on track and get things done.

I really think this move will be good for me.  A fresh start, if you will.  Andrea disappeared on us, again.  I don’t know why I thought this time would be different, but it’s the elimination of one of my crutches to stay in the house all the time.  I’ve been working (with limited success) on becoming a much more social person.  I’m trying to get past all the phobias and hermit-like habits that I became so enmeshed with when we were in Lake City.  I’ve made some really good friends in the last year or so and I really hope I haven’t blown them by being me and not ever going out of the house.  It’s the craziest thing.  I WANT to go out and do things, I have a great time when I’m out with friends, but when it comes time to actually LEAVE the house, to go out, I feel this panic start to rise inside me.  The last time I did anything social was the Michigan Fiber Festival with Andrea, Shannon, Emily, Kai (I know I spelled that wrong, didn’t I Shannon?) and Abby.  Jake had so much fun with the kids and I had a blast with the older folks.  We made plans to get together and Jake got sick, then I got sick and this whole thing spiralled.  Needless to say, plans never happened and even though TJ keeps telling me that people understand when you’re sick etc.  I feel too embarrased to call and apologize for my freakish behaviors and phobias – again.  Yes, I know I’m an idiot.  So anyway, I plan to be a lot more social and spend time with my knitting group again (if they’ll still have me) and do other things.  Being in Battle Creek will be good in that sense since one of my biggest hurdles is the long drive (and yes, for me Kalamazoo to Battle Creek seems like a LONG drive).  It’s time to get Jake socializing with other kids and to allow myself to have a life and have fun and not hole up in the house like some sort of leper.  I deserve to have a life and friends, damnit and I’m not going to blow it if I get a second, or is it third or fourth, chance.  Okay, when did this become a self-pitying rant about how I’ve screwed up friendships and made a agoraphobic out of myself?  Life is positive and I’m going to be positive.  Self-loathing over, let’s move on!! 🙂

Harmony and a Little Bit of Heaven

Quite a different tone to this post as from the post yesterday, huh? What a difference a day makes. I’m still not feeling 100%, but a good friend reaching out to me this morning and a GREAT mail day really helped to lift my spirits. I didn’t get much sleep last night. Around 4:30 this morning I made a proactive move and took the cable box back down to the living room, then I spent awhile reading The Twisted Sisters Sock Workbook and getting my spinning urge back in gear. I stopped myself from getting up then and there to spin a bit (I would have been up all night if I had) and went to bed listening to a knitting podcast. I can’t remember the topic, but it was a KnitPicks cast. I fell asleep just a few minutes in, I think; I don’t remember anything from it. I always fall asleep a few minutes after starting, but I need the background noise to sleep and I don’t want to mess around with trying to find my place in an audio book over and over again.

Jake woke up later than usual, almost 10 am and though I only got 5 1/2 hours or so of sleep, I felt more rested than I had in awhile. Circumstances, meaning my cats and a large glass of water left on the end table next to the couch, forced me to bring the cable box back upstairs this morning. That’s teach me to be proactive…lol. Got everything moved back up and got food, drink, etc. for the little man and myself and it was time for his morning viewing of Monster House. That movie is going to drive me crazy at some point soon. While he was watching I got out the old “puger”, as he calls it, and read blogs, checked email etc. Found the email from Shannon and gave her a call. Talked for awhile, made plans for later this week and just generally made me feel like someone, other than TJ of course, cares. It’s amazing how little it takes to lift my spirits. Thanks Shannon. I can’t tell you how much that short phone call, and the laughter helped me. You rock!!

The rest of the day was pretty ordinary, which is a good thing when most of my days lately have seemed so dark and long. I got out the fiber I got from Greg and Amy’s farm and spun for a little while. After reading the Twisted Sisters book, I decided to give spinning from the fold another try. I had tried it briefly with the silk I spun (poorly) a while back, but it didn’t work so well. This time, though, it clicked and I found drafting to be a lot easier that way than the regular way of drafting. I’m still not clicking on the regular drafting without the massive pre-drafting, but I’ll get there. I’m NOT giving up. With lots of pre-drafting I can spin a fairly consistent single; they still tend to be way over-spun. I have much work to do on that. Any hints on how to not over spin so much would be much appreciated.

I realized, after TJ got home from work, that it had been a few days since anyone had gotten the mail. So I braved the icy porch and the driveway and when I got to the mailbox it was JAM PACKED full. There were packages galore. I got a skein of 100% cashmere

cahmere-yarn.jpg

Isn’t it pretty? It’s called “Oh Holy Night” and it’s a combination of burgundy and black; not sure if you can tell from the picture or not.

Next is the only fiber I bought. I had planned to stay away from fiber since I went on a binge not that long ago, but I really enjoy spinning the Kareoke (did I spell that wrong?) fiber and I couldn’t resist the colorway. It’s called Mermaid and it’s so shimmery and soft. YUMMY!

Mermaid Fiber

There was also some Cascade 220 in Cotton Candy Pink and in black, but they are pretty plain and don’t merit the time for uploading and then playing with size…lol.

The part where a little bit of heaven comes in is here:

A little bit of heaven

This is the first time I’ve seen Malabrigo in person, none-the-less touched it.  OMG.  This is the softest, most luscious wool I’ve ever felt.  The only thing that comes close is wool that I got from an Ebay store called South Wool.  I love their stuff, too.  So affordable.  The only problem with the Malabrigo is that I only have 3 skeins of it (625 yds) which doesn’t seem like enough to make any sort of top or sweater.  I don’t want to make a scarf or gloves or something like that.  I want a sweater.  I’m going to have to buy more.  Of course then the dye lot won’t match, so I’m going to have to buy a whole lot more of whatever I choose.  The horror…:)

Just when it seemed things couldn’t get any better.  There was a ring of the bell at 7 pm and it was a delivery from Knit Picks.  My Harmony needle set was sitting there waiting for me.  I’m so excited.  I’ve been wanting these forever and now I have them.  I want to start knitting with them immediately, but I have my last X-mas gift and my Circular Shrug on the needles already so I can’t start just yet.  Bummer.  All in all, though, a much better day than yesterday!!!