7 months old

I’m starting to think if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t
have any luck at all. The G.D. is not getting better, in fact
we started insulin today. 3x a day I have to jab myself in
the stomach with a needle to help keep my blood sugar down. I
know I shouldn’t complain, it’s keeping Connor healthy as well as
myself, but it makes me feel like I’ve failed in some way. Today
was my 30 week prenatal appointment. I was a bit nervous
about it b/c it was with the OB as opposed to the midwife that I’m
used to. This is the same doctor that I dealt with for my
fertility treatments and for some reason I thought I didn’t care
for his bedside manner, or him to be honest, too much when I saw
him late last year. I’m not sure where that judgement came
from (maybe I was just down on everything during that period of
time b/c of my fear that I would never be able to get pregnant
again) b/c after my appointment today, I couldn’t love the man
more. It was NOT a good appointment, unfortunately, but his
bedside manner, jokes, and just generally good attitude made things
that much easier to take. My blood pressure was through the
roof compared to what it’s been lately (140/100) and I’ve had
visual disturbances, headaches and swelling for the last week or
so. So now we’re thinking pre-eclampsia as well as the G.D.
and that is not good. I had to have blood work done to check
my liver and kidney function (both are good thank God) and I have
to come in for ultrasounds every week between now and when I give
birth to keep an eye on how Connor is doing. Today’s
ultrasound was good, so I guess I do have some good luck afterall.
I’m also going to be seeing the perinatologist at the office
that’s dealing with the G.D. for an in-depth ultrasound (seeing
Connor so much these days) but that will just be the one time I
think. Dr. H (my OB) said he would be happy to be the doctor
that does my c-section which thrills me b/c I think he’ll be a very
calming presence in the O.R. When I asked him about a date
for the section, he didn’t give me one, but did say that he doubted
I would make it to 39 weeks due to the symptoms I’m having now and
the fact that Jake was a 37 week baby and so big (just under 9
lbs.) So I don’t know when Connor will be here at this point.
I’m 30 weeks + 1 today and I’d be happy to make it to 36/37
weeks. As long as Connor is big enough (shouldn’t be a
problem) and his lungs are developed enough for him not to need the
NICU I’m fine with whatever they decide to do. I am on a modified
version of bedrest right now. I don’t have to stay in bed all
the time, but I also can’t be running around doing things.
I’m supposed to laze around on the couch, take care of myself
etc. I can do things around here as I feel up to it, but he
doesn’t want me running off to the mall, grocery shopping etc. for
the time being. Maybe if my blood pressure goes down it will
change. The only really bad part about all of this is that
there is a field trip for Jake’s class in a few weeks that I wanted
to go on and a carnival that the PTO is throwing for the elementary
school kids that I really wanted to be a part of that I’m
going to have to miss. I told TJ, though, that I don’t care
what my BP or the doctors say there is no way I’m missing Jake’s
Kindergarten graduation on June 9th (unless I’m in the hospital
having the baby, of course). He understood and said he didn’t
think that counted as strenuous activity. Fingers crossed
that BP just goes down and other pre-e symptoms get under control
so that life can be semi-normal until the baby is here. All
of this puts so much pressure on TJ and it makes me feel so guilty.
I know that he knows that it’s not my fault and this isn’t a
choice I”m making, but for so much of our marriage – through all of
my depression etc. – I have made the choice to lay all the work at
his feet that it doesn’t seem to make a difference in my
head/heart. It doesn’t feel fair that he has to take on
getting Connor’s room ready, figuring out how to get up north
without leaving Jake and I alone overnight so he can get the
crib/baby clothes etc. that are stored up there from when Jake was
a baby etc. It’s a nightmare. One happyish note, though…the
insulin needle in the belly isn’t painful at all and it’s not quite
as icky as I anticipated. It’s all a mental thing, I guess.
I actually don’t even feel the needle going in; I just jab it
in there fast and hard and get it over with…so yay for no pain, I
guess. On the knitting front: I think the Hot Flash STR yarn
is cursed. I really liked the Tresse
socks when I started them, and I still really like the pattern, but
I don’t like the way it’s coming out with this yarn. I think
I’m knitting it a little too tightly – even though I got gauge –
and it just doesn’t work for me. This is the second pair of
socks I’ve frogged in this yarn. I’ve decided that this
particular skein doesn’t want to be socks at all. So now I’m
looking for a good shawlette pattern for it. I think I
might have found it but we’ll see after swatching etc. is done.
I’m kind of off the sock kick (that didn’t last long) a bit
and itching to make something different. I still have a few
pairs of socks that I will work on: the HandMaiden (or is it Fleece
Artist? I can never remember) BFL Sock in Stone
diagonal lace toe up socks for one, but I just feel like I need to
have something else on the needles as well. Since the yarn
bins are in a bit of a clutter right now and I’m limited to what I
can get my hands on yarn-wise, I’m limited but I’ll make due.
There are several shawl patterns that I want to play with and
the yarn that goes with them is accessable. There is also all
that fiber I have to spin up for various things that I could really
get into. I should really use this “rest” time I’m being
given (read forced into) for being fiberly productive. Have a great
rest of the week everyone…I’m going to try. I say that like
there is really anyone at all reading this LMAO!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s