I’m still alive

Just a quick little postlette (is that even a word?) to let you all know I’m still here. I’ve been trying really hard to blog more frequently, especially since my little stat program told me that there are a lot of visits from a specific area of Southern CA…anyone related to me reading this, I love you and I’m so glad to know that you are taking an interest in reading my little ramblings. Comment, though, let me know you’re out there.
I haven’t posted much in the last few weeks. That call from the OB office re: referring me to the RE really shook me up for some reason. On an intellectual level I know that it doesn’t change anything really, it’s just moving to a doctor that’s better qualified to deal with whatever problems I might be having, but it feels like a failure to me. I think the most difficult thing for me is not knowing what’s going to happen. I really want to skip this next cycle of Clomid (which of course I won’t) and go straight to the referral. If they tell me that there is nothing they can do for me it will break my heart, I will want to die, but of course I won’t. I will mourn for what will never be and then I’ll move on b/c I have to: I have a family here that needs me to be me and to be the best me that I can be. I’ll keep up with the estrogen supplements if I can b/c they make me a hell of a lot more “normal” whatever that means, but other than that I’ll be able to move on with my life. It’s the constantly getting my hopes up every cycle only to have them dashed when Ovulation doesn’t happen that is killing me.
We have to wait until after the first of the year for financial reasons (flex plan at work) to really get started with anything with the RE, but I want to do the consult before the end of the year; no sense in putting a ton of money into flex if there isn’t any reason for it, you know?!?! During the interim I’ve been thinking that I might like to try some alternative methods of achieving fertility. I’ve heard really good things about acupuncture and as afraid as I am of the needles, I’m more afraid of not having another baby. I’ve also heard that a chiropractor can be a big help. I know you have to be careful not to get hooked up with a quack who just wants your money, though, so I’ll obviously have to do some research. There are also vitamins that you can take that are supposed to help in the ovulation/fertility department and I figure those can’t hurt either. A little homeopathic treatment while I’m waiting for the hard-core drugs (I just pray I don’t end up with quads or quints, although I’d rather have that than nothing – don’t tell TJ….LOL) to begin.
On the knitting front…don’t know if I mentioned it but I finished Krista’s scarf awhile ago…just have to package it and mail it. I’m a lazy, lazy thing once things are done…just ask my mom and she’ll tell you all about me and package sending…LOL It’s like a running joke. I’ve started a pair of socks for TJ in a funky green/black colorway called northern lights by damselfly yarns on etsy…look them up, they have great stuff!!! I’m also working on a simple pair of toe up lace socks for myself using Fleece Artists BFL sock yarn (which smells so much like sheep; I’m in love) in the stone colorway which is simple and beautiful. I have two baby projects that are almost done, but I just can’t bear to work on baby things right this moment. My friend L’s baby was just born and the Anouk I’m making for her is for next spring/summer, so I have time…the blanket I have to force myself to get back to; baby Alison is already six months. My girlfriend Julie also just had a baby girl and she has a naming ceremony coming up in October…I need to bang something out for little Piper. I was thinking maybe some decadent socks and a Baby Surprise Jacket for her. So much to do, so little time…:)
More later…and I haven’t forgotten my promise to post pictures from our trip to the beach, just more lazy on my part….later all.

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