Fifi starts again

So I had to frog Fifi b/c I made a mistake with the first cabling row. ARGH!!  I played with the idea of putting it aside and trying the Red Carpet Convertible pattern, but I changed my mind.  If  I put Fifi down now, I’ll never go back to it, I know myself.  I’ll definitely make the RCC, but I don’t know when.  With the exception of Fifi , I’m kind of committed to all X-mas knitting from this point on.  I’ve got two shawls, at least three scarves, no four scarves and that’s just for TJ’s side of the family.  My mother is a lot more difficult (no, she’s not speaking to me yet, if you were wondering) to knit for.  I don’t think she’d get a lot of use out of a lacy shawl.  Maybe I should make her a shawl that’s more substantial; something that she can wrap around herself while she’s reading at home at night.  I’ve got a kit for a cardigan for her, but it’s Fair Isle, and I’m not sure if I have anywhere near the skills neede to make it.  Why, you might ask, would I buy  a kit  for something I don’t have a clue about..simple answer, I’m a glutton for punishment.  I was going to knit her an afghan, but I doubt I’d get it done on time and it seems like it’s not quite personal enough.  Any suggestions for a rectangular shawl that’s not too lacy and would be great to wrap around you while you sit on your couch; something that is still luxurious, though, would be greatly appreciated.

I still haven’t heard from the medical equipment company re: my CPAP machine.  I was hoping I’d have it by now.  My exhaustion is getting worse every day.  I have so many things going on that I want to do – I’m signed up for several knitting classes in the coming weeks – and I just hope that I have the energy to do it.  I found a knitting group in Battle Creek that I want to join, but I’m afraid to drive that far, especially at night b/c of the apnea.  What if I doze off coming home?  Wouldn’t that be a treat…I keep telling myself that all i have to do is to get to bed a little earlier, but that leaves me just as tired as staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning.

Jake’s third birthday is coming up soon…too soon.  My baby is growing up too fast.  we’ve had baby making on hold while we dealt with finding out what was going on with me, but now that we know, I think once the CPAP makes me a little more alert and more energetic,  we will revisit the baby conversation.  There have been a lot of times that I’ve wondered if I even have it in me to be a mommy to a newborn/baby/toddler again.  All I could think about was how tired I’ve been and the lack of sleep etc.  Now that I know that my tiredness and my problems with sleep have to do with my sleep apnea, I’m hoping that I’ll feel better, have energy etc. and be ready to have another baby.  I really don’t want Jake to be an only child; I am one and it was a lonely existence growing up.  I feel like, though, I’m getting to a point where a sibling will be too far apart in age for Jacob to feel like he has a true playmate.  Maybe, though, I’m just over thinking all of this and I should just stop and go with the flow, just let life happen.  That’s one of the most difficult things for me to do.


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