So I met this cool chick who happens to have the same name as me on Ravelry which is cool in and of itself, but she also lives right here in the Kazoo area, has a knitting group for me to go to AND she makes and sells the most beautiful spindles. She sells them through her esty shop ; if you’re looking to buy a gorgeous top whorl spindle for yourself or someone you love, you really have to check it out. The workmanship is great, the designs are AMAZING and she doesn’t sell anything that she wouldn’t use herself or give to one of her kids or friends. A great little indie shop. Okay, enough shameless plugging for new friends…LOL
All of my knitting the last few days has been centered around my scarf swap partner. I don’t want to say too much b/c I’m not sure if she reads this or not; I’m really not sure that anybody reads this, LOL, but I post away anyway. Hopefully I’ll build up some links on other blogs and some readers. Or not. Either way is okay, I write b/c I love to. I had a scarf that I designed myself for her, but that didn’t work too well, so I went back to the drawing board and decided to use some of the gorgeous yarns I bought originally for sock knitting, but didn’t use for it. It’s fingering weight, which lends itself to lace knitting pretty well, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m actually doing two scarves, one for spring/summer/fall (the lace one) and one for winter with a silk/alpaca blend that’s doubled. Both are fairly simple, but pretty patterns and I’m going to add some extras for her as well. This is my first swap and I don’t want to do too little, I’d much rather give too much. I really like the idea of swaps. I get to make something for somebody who will truly appreciate it and I get something that someone else made with their own two hands, for me. I want so badly to make what I make perfect and I feel somewhat inadequate, but I’ll get over it. Nothing is perfect and I’m not a bad knitter, just an insecure one.
TJ is sick today. I hate when he is sick, it makes me feel so helpless. He’s the one that’s always got it together in this house, I’m the one with the problems (sleep apnea that’s pretty much debilitating, the back problems when Jacob was a baby, the pneumonia I’ve had three times in the last three years etc.), TJ is the strong one. I try really hard when he is sick to take good care of him and he says that I do. That makes me feel really good. He does so much for this family and I feel like taking care of Jacob and the house isn’t enough; I never feel like I’m pulling my weight, especially now that I’m bone weary all the time.
Speaking of the sleep apnea from hell…it’s getting more and more annoying everyday. I think I was honestly better off before I knew about it. Sure, I felt lazy as hell and useless (I think I have serious self-esteem issues) but I didn’t realize why I was tired and I blew it off as laziness. Now that I know, it seems like it’s even harder for me to fight. The last two days Jake and I have spent most of the day indoors while I slept on and off, mostly sitting up and really making my neck ache. I’m afraid to spend too much time outside with him b/c I have the pool out there and I fall asleep without realizing I’m even tired until I wake up twenty minutes or so later. So I wait, not so patiently, for them to call from the sleep clinic and let me know if the ASV test worked. If so, I should have my machine in a week’s time or less and be feeling 100% better in no time. I have so many plans for what I’m going to do to make this time up to Jacob when I’m better. We don’t leave the house much b/c it’s been suggested that until I have treatment I only drive when necessary. So I’m stuck in the house. At least we have a video store really close by and we can pick up movies. he’s just starting to like non-animated stuff. Bedknobs and Broomsticks is his favorite movie right now, and I don’t mind it at all. It’s a cute little movie. I’ve been trying to get him to watch Mary Poppins, but he’s shown very little interest. I’m going to rent it next week and just play it for him; I think he’ll really like it. Any of the Beethoven movies he also really likes. After watching one, he goes around the house yelling for Beethoven like we own the dog. It’s too cute. He’s also been really sweet about TJ being sick. Every time TJ coughs or sneezes, Jake runs to him and asks him if he’s okay. LOVE IT! He’s also been really sweet to me. He’s been randomly coming up to me and kissing my hand or my arm or my leg and telling me, “I love you, Mommy”. It makes my day so much brighter. Right now I’m ready to kill him, of course, b/c he refuses to go to sleep and he’s doing things seemingly to annoy me or get a reaction anyway. I just want a little time for myself after being tired and cooped up all day. I know it’s not PC or even “good parenting” to say this, but sometimes I get so sick of him. Don’t get me wrong, I adore him, but there are days when it just feels like he’s testing every limit I have. I think I’m coming down with what TJ has, I’m headachey and I’m much less even tempered than I’ve been lately. This sucks. So I’m going to take my vitamin C, and eat well (yeah, that’s me…NOT) and try to get some decent sleep and hope that it passes over me. I just can’t afford to be sick and then have Jake (who is already coughing a little) get sick as well. Ask anyone who knows me in person, I’m not good at being sick, not good at it at all. 
I’m off to play in Ravelry for awhile and then knit a bit and read some more of Harry Potter 7 (which I could go on about for days and I’ve only read the first 100 pages.) and try to sleep. Night y’all.
