96 Yards of Handspun lace/fingering weight

I just finally (I actually finished spinning and plying the yarn in December) skeined up and finished the singles that were left after spinning and plying my Girl Insane top.  The colors in the top were light to medium pinks, shades of grey to black, light to dark purples and white. (Don’t have a picture of the top, so here’s the link to the original listing in etsy: Girl Insane Top.  I split the colors into lights and darks, spun the singles fairly thin (I’m still terrible about figuring out things like what drafting method I used or how many twists per inch etc.) and then plied the two together.  It came out really pretty.  When I was through, I had just under 100 yards of singles left from the dark batch, so I skeined it and finished it tonight – it’s drying right now.  Pictures to follow once it’s dry and I get off my lazy ass and take the pics.

Any suggestions on what to do with just about 100 yards of light fingering to heavy lace singles?  I’m stumped, but this came out so pretty that I want to use it.  I thought about plying it with itself after it finishes drying, but then I’ll only have 50 or so yards and I know there’s not a lot I can do with that.  Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

The Coriolis socks are coming out beautifully.  I’m back on track after the frogging incident and I’m really enjoying these socks.  I’m going to buy the book (I’ve had it out of the library for two renewals now and I don’t want to keep it out of the hands of others who might want to read it) before I leave for CA (on Tuesday) and work on the last sock on the plane ride.  It seems like a good, portable project for the plane.  It’s either that or my Clapotis and that thing is pretty big and bulky for a plane ride at this point.

As for my two baby gift projects:  I’ve hit a wall with the Moderne Baby Blanket as the book is still packed up in a box somewhere in this house (I swear we’ll never be fully moved in) and I was able to find the pattern as a freebie through Ravelry, but it’s a scan of the book and doesn’t include the border, so until I find the book I’m kind of stuck.  I know I could just come up with my own border, but I’m just not feeling that creative with this one.  I draw a blank whenever I try to think of a good border pattern for this…again, suggestions are welcome and appreciated.  The Anouk pattern is coming along nicely.  The baby it’s for is due in July and I’ve got the first half done and am ready to start on the second.  The first went really quickly so I’m hoping the second will be as swift.  These are the only projects I plan to bring on the trip, along with some needlepoint that I’ve been working on for awhile on and off.  I figure if I don’t have many choices I can’t get caught up in “startitis” and might actually finish a few things on time…

An actual knitting post

This post is actually going to be about knitting and only knitting.  It won’t be super long, as I’m in the midst of WIP’s and have no real FO’s at the moment.

Having finished my Christmas knitting, sort of (I still have the shawl to finish, but am working on it rather slowly b/c I got so sick of it in those last months of trying to finish it in time), I’m not really in the middle of anything, rather at the beginning of several things.  I’ve gotten one of a pair of Fetching mitts done in Alpine Pearl Malabrigo (there should be a law about wool singles that butter soft) and I’ve been totally slacking about finishing number 2.  It’s the knitting ADD I tell you.  I know it would only take a day at most to finish, but I’m all caught up in trying to pick patterns, yarns etc. for new projects.

First up I have Secret of the Stole ii.  (BTW, Emily, it is still open for sign ups, in case you didn’t already check for yourself)  I’ve chosen my yarn:  a rayon/silk blend from Over the Rainbow yarns.  It’s listed as sport weight, but feels a bit lighter than that to me.  The colorway is Vanilla Parfait and it’s gorgeous.  The instructions say we shouldn’t use varigated yarn for this shawl, but the varigation is so subtle that I think it will be okay.  Even if it’s not, so what?!?!  It’s my shawl and I can do whatever I want with it, so there!!  LOL  It’s a blend of cream and some very pale taupe and tan.  I really love this colorway and plan to snap up more of it if/when it’s offered.  I’m thinking about socks with this yarn, but I don’t think that rayon/silk is a great combination for socks; not enough elasticity and I think they would sag terribly.  We’ll see.  I’m in the process of swatching it right now, from written directions that I copied by hand b/c the printer is being a butt.  LOL  I like the pattern thus far and I think that I’m going to like the number 4 Harmony needles for this, although I have to finish the swatch before I’m sure.  It may not be lacy enough.  This will be my first mystery knit-along.  I’m going to be gone for 3 weeks of it and I’m not sure if I’ll have my laptop with me as it has some “issues” (like it’s falling apart and I need a new one, but won’t be getting one before I go) and I’m worried about getting behind, so I’m going to make sure that I’m up to date before I go and hope that I’ll be able to borrow an aunt or cousin’s computer a few times a week to check in on stuff.  My email alone will get completely out of control with me not checking it for 3 weeks.

Next project in my mind:  The Silken Cowl from Sensual Knits.  This is a pattern and a garment that I REALLY love.  I used to have a silk tank top just like that.  I loved that thing and have no clue what happened to it.  I’m guessing one of the roommates from hell has it in her collection of clothing at this point.  I started swatching with the same rayon/silk yarn that I’m using for SotS ii but in a different colorway, but the gauge is off.  The weight called for in the pattern is worsted/aran and the rayon/silk is more like a heavy fingering to light sport weight, so I’m having trouble getting to where I need to be gauge-wise.  I don’t want to spend all this time and yarn on something that isn’t going to look right.  I have a fingering weight 100% silk that I might use, doubled in two different, but similar colorways.  I would just double one colorway, but I don’t have enough of it and I bought it at least 2 years ago from Ebay and doubt I could get an exact match for it, or even a close one.  It kind of sucks, b/c I really had my heart set on the colorway in the rayon/silk blend.  Any suggestions on using a much different weight yarn for a project like this?  My only real concern, other than weight, is that the pattern states that the yarn is un-elastic, which seems to be true of the pure silk yarn that I have as well.  The rayon/silk combo, however, does have some stretch to it.  Will that be a problem in the wearing of the tank top?  Any suggestions/opinions are appreciated.  Thanks.

Other things I’ve been playing with:  I’ve got yarn and needles chosen for a pair of Jaywalkers (my very first pair of socks).  The yarn is also from Over The Rainbow Yarns (do we have a pattern here or what?  LOL) and it’s rainbow colored. In the skein it transitioned from red to violet ala ROYGBIV and wound into a yarn cake it’s just as spectacular in a different way.  I’ve been holding onto it for about 2 1/2 years or so.  I wanted to make sure my knitting skills were up to par for sock knitting and not end up wasting the yarn on a non wearable effort.  I bought the Giselle pattern from Stitch Diva; I’ve been stalking the site waiting for this to come out for a LONG time.  It’s also one of the Sexy Knitter’s Club KAL’s this time around.  I’m going to do it.  In fact, I might put my thoughts of the Silken Cowl aside for now and concentrate on Giselle or Belle Paquita (the other SKC KAL choice for Jan-March).  I figure three weeks in CA without a computer to speak of will allow me to get a lot of knitting done – I hope.  At least I’ll have 5 hours of plane ride each way, if Jake cooperates.  I’ve also got the pattern for Fiber Trends Felted Clogs and lots of Cascade 220 and Philosopher’s Wool also, as well as the first SotS pattern, Guenivere.  It’s an unusual stole in that it’s got a forked end, like a renaissance  banner or flag.  Very pretty.

I guess that’s it for now.  Oh, I also got two spin your own sock kits from Fiber Fiend that I can’t wait to work on.  I have two of my three Spinsanity spindles (She does AMAZING spindle work, btw, go get a spindle from her right now, you won’t be sorry) full of singles right now waiting to be plied.  I also want to be a little more proficient at sock knitting before tackling them.  Any advice for spinning yarn for sock making (I have one braid of superwash Merino and one of Angora to spin) would be much appreciated.

That it for me.  I hope all of you are doing well, and 2008 has been full of joy thus far.

Beat the repeat and other adventures

I finally beat the lace repeat from hell!!!  I swear the thing was trying to drive me insane.  I’ve been cruising along on the BJLL shawl and then I got to repeat number 12 (you would think it would have been #13 that was unlucky…lol).  For some reason, I just couldn’t get through this repeat.  Something went wrong with one of the 8 rows of it 4 different times.  Good thing I moved the repeat at the beginning of each repeat, so I only had to rip back 8 rows or less each time.  I just kept having to go back to the beginning of the repeat and I was getting more and more frustrated with it.  After three days of trying,  though, I finally got through it the other night.  I let out such a whoop of joy, I startled the cat who jumped up and then fell off the bed.

Last night was my first Zombie Prom Date Knitters without Andrea with me; my first knitting anything without her.  I still didn’t have to drive, though.  Shannon was kind enough to pick me up and drive me to Water Street and then TJ and little man picked me up.  I really do have to start driving, but the snow makes me really paranoid about driving.  Give me a nice, clear, warmish day and I’ll be all over it!!

Got more yarn in the mail yesterday:  some kidsilk spray (yummy) and some hand-dyed rayon/silk in pretty pink shades.  Will photo and put up later or tomorrow…

I’m not pregnant

There’s an interesting title for a blog post. It’s true, though. The hubby and I have been talking about/trying to get pregnant for a little while now, but to no avail.

****WARNING*** Personal, somewhat icky (to some) information re: my reproductive system coming up… Will let you know when it’s over…

Getting pregnant with Jacob was fairly easy. I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler and started charting. It worked. Within 3-4 cycles, I was pregnant with Little Man. Periods were slow to come back after I stopped pumping (he wouldn’t nurse adequately and I was determined to give him only breast milk for the first six months…that’s a whole post of its own, though) and weren’t regular to say the least; number of days ranged from 30 days (not bad) to 90+ days (kind of crazy). Didn’t really think much about it at the time since we weren’t interested in getting pregnant at the time. Since my back has been better, though, it’s become more and more an obsession of mine. It’s kind of like knitting and spinning but without the pretty yarn. So I’ve been keeping an eye on things and discovered something terrible. I’m not ovulating at all, nor am I getting a period without the help of Provera every three months. This is very disconcerting to say the least. My doctor has been rather casual about the whole thing, not wanting to get too crazy with treatment or even tests too soon. Frustrating, but I’ve been going with it. A few weeks ago, she gave in and ordered a panel of blood tests (which I’m still waiting to hear anything about the results on) and said that after getting them she’d call in a Progesterone cream script for me. Hasn’t happened yet. The frustrating thing is that my body is giving me all the signs of the regular hormonal things happening: My cervical mucus (that’s such an ugly sounding phrase) regularly goes from dry to sticky to wet and egg whitey several times per “cycle”. I regularly have three or four days of “egg white CM” which tricks me into thinking I might be fertile. I have to admit that I haven’t been great about the morning temping (by this I mean I haven’t been doing it) so I don’t have that information to look at. I also get the pregnancy/period on its way symptoms on a regular basis. Take this month for example: my boobs are heavy, rounder and sore, the veins in them are much more noticeable (it’s like a road map on my chest), I’ve had heart burn on and off for about a week and a half (that was the first sign with Jacob), not to mention the cramping which has been going on for a few days.

***END OF TMI WARNING***

All of these signs/symptoms led me to believe that it was possible that I really might have ovulated without realizing it and might indeed be pregnant. I didn’t get my hopes up too far b/c I knew just how unlikely it was that after all this time I’d just start ovulating, but I couldn’t help getting the tiniest bit excited at that thought. Another mid to late summer baby wasn’t a great thought, but at this point, I’ll take what I can get. Did a pregnancy test last night and, of course, it was negative. What was I expecting though. I’m starting to wonder if I don’t have to just accept the fact that Little Man will be the only baby I have. It’s not like I’m getting any younger. I really wanted to go with a more aggressive stance on testing and treating my fertility problems, but Dr. M doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I’m not concerned enough, yet, to push it to another doctor, but I’m not sure how far away that is, either.

Onto other topics. Color Wonder fingerpaints. Can I just say Hooray for these. Jacob wants to draw/paint etc. all the time. The problem with this is that, like any three year old, he has no comprehension that the bed, walls, cat etc. are not the appropriate places to do this. For example, I lay down with him one day last week for nap time and he woke up before me, rather than wake me up like he normally does, he got into my knitting notions bag and pulled out my dry erase markers that I use for marking up the page sleeves I keep my patterns in and drew all over my $200 dollar (my one real luxury item are my sheets) sheets, my pajamas and himself. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or kill him. I chose laugh b/c really, what could I do. After that TJ and I sat him down and had a talk with him, but I really don’t think he gets it. We tried the Color Wonder line when he was a little younger – the marker and coloring book set – but he didn’t show much interest in it. He didn’t have the patience to wait for the chemical reaction to make the color develop. Those markers really do take a long time to develop the color. We bought the finger paints at the same time, but after his reaction to the markers we didn’t bother to get them out. The other night while TJ and I were making dinner, I got them out as a last ditch effort to get him to behave while we were cooking. Amazingly enough, he was fascinated by it. For the last few days it’s all he’s wanted to do. Of course we don’t let him finger paint all day, but it’s a great way to give him something to do that isn’t messy and totally engrosses him. I strongly recommend them to all parents of toddlers who have any interest in coloring/painting etc.

Knitting content: I figure, since the word Knits is in the title of this blog, there should be something said about knitting. The BJL&L Shawl is coming along nicely. I’ve got 10 1/2 of 25 repeats done. I don’t see a problem with getting it done long before Christmas, though. Or at least on time. I’m also working on the Circular Shrug which is my mindless knitting project. It’s all k2p2 ribbing and a mock rib pattern. I’m enjoying working on it and hope to have it done before Christmas so I can wear it. I’m making it with Noro Silver Thaw and it’s soft and very vibrant. The main colors are oranges and blue greens. I’ll post a picture when I get around to it. I’m really glad I only committed to two projects for Christmas this year. Anymore and I would have been screwed. There are actually a few more gifts I’m planning to make, but they are for people who know that they won’t be done until after the holiday. Small things like a ball band bag etc.

Secret of the Stole ii

I’ve joined my first mystery knit-along. I’m really kind of excited about it. I wish it was already January so I could start. I’ve been reading people blogging about the mystery knits that they are involved in for over a year now and I’ve always found out too late. BAH!! This time, though, I found it early on – the supplies aren’t even up yet – and I’m going to find a way to stay on top of the clues! It’s Secret of the Stole 2 and I’ve heard really good things about the first KAL so I’m looking very much forward to this one. I’ve been obsessed with lace knitting for about a year now and I’m finally getting the hang of it, I think. I’m about 1/5 of the way through the Blue Jean Lacy Leaf shawl already and no major boo-boos so far. I can’t wait to see how many other people, especially bloggers that I read, join this KAL.

Playing with bread

I’ve become obsessed with the beer bread.  I’ve made the homemade version of it three times in the last week.  I’ve been playing with the recipe; I didn’t like the fact that it was so thick with the three cups of  flour.   I think it has to do with the fact that I really liked the  Tastefully Simple Bountiful Beer Bread and the batter was thick but it was batter nonetheless.  With the recipe that I have for the bread, you end up with a dough rather than a batter.  So I’ve been playing with the amount of flour to see what happens.  I used 2 1/2 cups the other day and it didn’t seem to make much difference in the dough/batter dilemma but the taste of the beer was more noticeable.   Tonight I went down to  2 cups instead of 3 and got a thick batter instead of a dough.  I was a little concerned about how it would come out b/c of taking so much flour out  and not changing the amount of any other ingredients, but I pressed on anyway.  The bread came out a little bit flatter than its predecessors, but it was still really good.  The taste of the beer is much more noticeable in this version and I like the consistency of it.  The other thing I did differently was exchanging the brushed on egg yolk for the top of the dough in the recipe for pouring 3 tablespoons of melted butter (the real stuff) on the top like they do in the Bountiful Beer Bread.  It gives a nice bit of flavor to the top of the bread as well as a nice little crunch to the crust.  I’m happy with my experiments and I think this is how I’ll make it from now on.  This is the first time I’ve played with a recipe while baking, I usually follow them to the letter.  I’m glad I stepped out of my comfort zone this time; I got a really great bread out of it that’s easy and inexpensive to make.  Isn’t that what the joy of cooking/baking is supposed to be about, taking a recipe and tweaking it to make it your own?  Oh yeah, I also changed the amount of time to bake the bread from 45 minutes to 55 minutes which seems to work out better as well.

Onto the knitting:

I’m having a bit of trouble with the Garden Path Shawl, still.  I’ve frogged back to that lifeline so many times for screwed up stitch counts I can’t even tell you how many.  I think a big part of it is that I continue to work even when I’m tired and that causes me to lose count or count something twice etc.  I’m all the way to row 7 now (can you “hear” the sarcasm in my voice?) and shooting for an ambitious goal of 10 rows of the chart tonight.  With the way things have been going for me lately in this project, that might actually be a lofty goal.  I’m not giving up on this, though.  I might beat me down a bit, but it will never break me…unless it’s getting really close to X-mas and I don’t think I’ll be able to get it and the other items I have to knit done in time…LOL

Night y’all.

Tripping down the Garden Path and walking through the garden

Have I mentioned lately that I hate it when I screw up?!?! I made it to row 30 of the Garden Path Shawl; it was a big accomplishment for me. I was looking at it, and to my horror I realized that I had made a mistake way back in the first row of the chart. OUCH!!! I knew there had been a few problems with the chart; I took a few shortcuts, I admit it, and just did a make 1 when the number of stitches didn’t line up. It seemed to fix the problem, but I know that I should have known that the quick fix is never the right one. If I had been diligent from the beginning, this wouldn’t have happened. I just finished frogging 28 rows of TGP shawl, and I’m going to take everything I’ve learned into account and rock this shawl the second time around. I actually did manage to figure out why I kept finding my count off on the second RS row of each stitch count group: I kept forgetting the Y.O. at the end of each repeat – that’s the one stitch, I think, that I could skip and still have it seem like the count was coming out right until I got to the end of the next RS row where I would end up being short a stitch. I really wish I had figured this out long before now, but at least I’m on the right track. All I can say is thank God for the life line or I would have had to start over from the beginning.

I’ve already learned a lot from this experience:

• I really do like working with lace. It’s a challenge and it makes you stay on your toes.
• There is a lot of instant gratification in lace knitting. You can see the pattern emerging and it makes me want to keep going even when I’m tired or have something else that I ought to be doing (dangerous…LOL)
• check and recheck and then recheck again, your Y.O’s against the chart. Use the return, WS, row to check the count for each section

I’m still on my “perfect little housewife” kick. I’ve been reveling in how clean this house is. I can’t get enough of it. Anyone who’s known me for any length of time knows what a total slob I’ve always been. I’ve always thrived in chaos and even just total messiness. Are you reading this D?!?! Unfortunately, TJ happens to be the same way; not involved with the way that the house looks, at least not to the point where he’s willing to do anything about it. I don’t know what it is that’s changed inside me, but I fully intend to find a way to hold onto it b/c it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel useful and it makes me feel like anything is possible. I made us dinner tonight. The crazy thing is that he offered to take me to Outback (my favorite restaurant at the moment) for a steak dinner, but I declined and said that I would rather cook a meal at home and have a quiet evening. What’s happening to me?!?! I made spaghetti with sauce from scratch, baked a loaf of beer bread (recipe here) also from scratch as well as garlic crescent rolls, which I admit I burned a bit, and one of those everything in the box desserts in the Apple Crisp flavor. He seemed to enjoy it all, but didn’t eat dessert. It was a really nice evening. After dinner we went to Hobby Lobby, for him not me this time, to get paint for his airbrush gun. He’s been so eager to use it since he got it. I have the feeling our walls are in for some “updating”. I love seeing him this excited about something that’s a leisure time activity rather than something work related. I picked up some of those glass bead things that you put in vases and such. I want to put it in our triangular vase and then store my straight knitting needles in there – decorative and functional all at the same time.

I’ve discovered another new passion (or at least possible passion; we’ll see next spring) in gardening. I went out to the garden on whim today to pick the tomatoes that were ready. We never got around to using the”tomato cages” to jeep the plants upright and now I completely understand why they are needed. They are huge and heavy and after the storms and the high winds that we had last week, they just couldn’t stay upright anymore. They are fallen over and lying in a tangled heap all over the edge of the garden. I picked up a few of the stalks to pick a tomato from it and most of them just snapped right off in my hand. It’s time for us to pull those plants completely out of the ground, I think. There’s no way that the tomatoes left on the vine are going to ripen laying on the ground, covered with the rest of the plant. We’ve got three GREAT pumpkins!! One is already off the vine; when TJ tried to turn it, the stem snapped off. It’s sitting on the back lawn to “cure” for the next 10 days and then it will be off to the basement (dark, dry and cool) until it’s time for carving the big guy up. I’m so excited about carving pumpkins this year b/c they’re ours. I really wasn’t prepared for pumpkin growing; I didn’t realize just how out of control those vines were going to become. They took over the garden! We only got two watermelons b/c the pumpkins choked them and the squash is buried alive under the pumpkin vines somewhere, not that the squash vines didn’t go crazy as well. I love vine plants. I have such big plans for next year’s garden. Right now, though, it’s time to think about bulb plants. Garlic and Onion, Lilies and Tulips, here I come. I have never planted a bulb before, hell, I’ve never really planted anything before. This garden was TJ’s baby. Still is, but I’m horning in a bit. It’s inexplicable. I got online to find out when we should pluck the pumpkins and a gardening obsession was born. LOL I’m going to go research how to deal with bulbs now.

Have a great night, y’all.

I Rock…

Okay maybe it’s actually the Garden Shawl pattern, but still. ..Without me it would just be a pattern.  Full of myself tonight, huh?!?!  LOL  Seriously, though, this is truly a wonderfully written pattern, which was a huge relief after that disaster that I made of Rambling Leaves.  Both of these patterns can be found in the free patterns section of Elann’s website.  I’m all about the free patterns.  I’m into the chart part now and have gotten through about 10 rows of the chart.  It’s very easy to read, very intuitive and I love the way it’s looking!!

In other news, I’m going to have some free time for knitting; Jake is staying up North with  “Unkie and Kay”.  I managed to hurt myself last night; my ribs, shoulder, ankle, upper arm and forehead all have bruises and/or swelling.  How did I manage this, you ask.  I’m truly just a glutton for punishment.  I was home alone and I decided that it was depressing and I should beat the hell out of myself…LOL Actually, it’s as simple as I’m really just a really big klutz that shouldn’t use the upstairs bathroom after taking my Klonopin to help me use the sleep apnea mask without freaking out.  I’m okay, nothing broken, but I’m sore and I look a little like I got into a bar room brawl.  TJ’s dad joked that it’s a good thing he was FAR away up north with witnesses when it happened.  Yeah, like anyone who’s ever met TJ would think for even one second that he would capable of hitting me.  NOT!!!

So I’m camped out on the chaise in the living room with the laptop, my knitting and my Ipod watching TV and feeling sorry for myself.  After starting this big cleaning and redecorating event, I want to finish it.  I did straighten up the kitchen a bit tonight, but it hurt like hell.  I was also going to bite the pain bullet and make some spaghetti; I had a massive craving.  I got everything out, started the water to boil for the pasta and then discovered that the ground beef was not good.  It was brown instead of red (which I know is just oxidation, not necessarily anything bad) and the sell by date was over a week ago.  It probably would have been fine, but I’ve had food poisoning before and I’m not willing to take that chance again.  So trusty, and quick, oatmeal it is.  I have such an exciting life, folks, I don’t know how you can stand reading about all the action around here.  I’m just full of sarcasm and bad jokes tonight, huh?

Seriously, I’m thrilled that Garden Path is coming together so nicely and that I seem to actually “get it”.  There  may be hope for me yet…

Night Y’all

Bad blogger and taking charge of my life

I’ve been a bad little blogger.  I haven’t posted in awhile.  Life has been a little crazy.  Not really, kind of, maybe I’m just being lazy.  LOL

TJ and Jake are up north (again) for the beginning of the week.  Jake loves it up there so much, and I wish I could be there with them to see his joy and his freedom, but I’m just not quite there yet.  Being up there reminds me so much of the darkest time in my life; a time when, looking back, I was so close to breaking completely and possibly not coming back.  It’s a shame b/c I really do love it up there, at least I did before I lived there.  How many people are thinking ‘drama queen’?  Hands?!?!  I even feel that way a bit, but whatever, I’m not ready to be there.  I know that eventually I’m going to have to just suck it up and get my ass up there and take care of closing down the house and getting the things that I want for this house down here, but not yet.  Maybe after the dead heat of summer is over and fall has set in.  It’s so gorgeous up there in the fall:  the colors are indescribable and to die for.  It’s the final step to getting over things, I know.

I’ve actually been productive while I’ve been home alone this time, though.  I rearranged the living room yesterday and I love it.  We’ve pretty much just had the furniture where the delivery guys put it since March when we moved in.  I’ve been so complacent about this house for FAR too long.  I think a big part of it was going from that shitty little trailer (I’ve seen really nice trailers and then there’s where we lived…one day I’ll post some pictures) to this big, beautiful house.  It was overwhelming.  I’m finally taking charge, though.  I’m taking charge of my life, charge of my family and charge of my house.  The next step is a little decorating.  I’ve got a huge box full of frames etc. that I got when we lived in the trailer that I never found the drive to use.  I’m about to dig out that box and Jake’s baby pics as well as wedding pics etc. and take this HOUSE we’ve been living in and make it our HOME!  I feel so strong and so empowered since I’ve made these decisions.  I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ve spent so many years just letting life happen to me; I’ve just kind of skated along, going with the flow, not feeling like I have any control so why bother.  It’s all a mind set, I think.  I’m the only one that can make my life the kind of life that I want, and for too long I’ve longed for a “good” and “normal” life and waited for it to come to me.  Now I’m going to reach out and take it.  Funny how something as small as rearranging some furniture can lead to a whole life revolution.  I’m feeling like rushing through this entry so I can get to it.  I won’t, though.

One of the biggest steps I took was moving my “base of operations”.  When I lived at the trailer, when we first moved in, I was hurt and I couldn’t really get out of bed for more than a few minutes at a time.  Over time, that bedroom became my safe place.  I didn’t feel comfortable in any other room in the house for long periods of time.  I got to a point where I was afraid to leave the house.  Even going on the porch was a traumatic event.  TJ forced me to leave the house, to go for drives, even when I was clinging to the door, eyes screwed shut, sure we were going to die, it was not a good time in my life.  My mother bought me a new car last year when I was visiting her in CA, but I was too terrified to drive it.  TJ got a lot of use out of my beautiful PT Cruiser, but for me it was one more bitter reminder of what a failure I had become at life.  Anyone who knew me in the past knows that cars were where I spent most of my free time.  My best friend D and I  spent much of our teen/early 20’s driving around, chatting, listening to music etc.; I’m talking about 6-10 hours a day.  Sounds lame now, but back then it was a great time, some of the best times of my life.

When we moved here, I was determined to make things different.  In a lot of ways, they were from the beginning, I stopped being afraid to leave the house to a degree.  I was still uncomfortable with it, but I wasn’t incapable of the act anymore.  My housekeeping skills, which were non-existent in the trailer, definitely improved dramatically.  The problem was that the bedroom remained the room that I was most comfortable in.  I moved in my TV, took the cable box from the living room and moved it up there, brought all my knitting supplies in there and made that the place I was.  I spent easily 3/4 of my day in the house in that bedroom.  It was a lot nicer than the bedroom at the trailer, but still it was a prison of sorts; a much prettier one, but still I was trapped.  It changed yesterday, and I don’t even know why.  I moved the cable box back to the living room where it belongs, I took the TV completely out of the bedroom, it’s never coming back, and I redid the living room.  It seems like it’s a really small thing, but for me a HUGE step and I’m really proud and I’m really happy about it.  When we moved in, my mother bought us a living room and dining room full of gorgeous and very comfortable furniture and I’m finally using it.  YAY me.  How sad that this is a major accomplishment for me.  I need to keep this thing going, I need to keep moving forward and taking steps, even if they are just baby steps.

On to knitting.  If you’re still with me at this point, through all my rambling and probably repeating myself over and over again, thanks.  You are troopers.   My main focus is my scarf swap partner’s scarf.  It really is beautiful and I’m enjoying working on it.  I just have to make the time to get it done.  I emailed her yesterday, explaining the craziness that’s been going on with Jake and TJ, then me, being sick and the drama with Jake having to go to the ENT on Thursday to see if they’re going to take his tonsils out (Dr. V seemed pretty sure that’s what’s going to happen) and almost as traumatic me having to possibly have mine out (which D, who went through it last year, told me is the most painful thing; that it’s a terrible recovery) and I just hope she understands.  I’m so  going to spoil her with goodies as well as her scarf in the final package.  I hope she loves it.

My other big knitting project(s) of the time is the X-mas gifts.  I finally started the Garden Path Shawl last night and I got it.  After the Rambling Leaves Shawl disaster I was really worried about another lace shawl.  This one is going great, though.  I made it through the first 18 rows and I’ll start the chart tonight; after putting in the time on the scarf.  I’m committed to at least two lace repeats per day for the scarf so I can get it done.  I wanted to just sit and plug away at it until I was done, but I’ve found that after a few repeats, my mind starts to wander and I start to make mistakes.  I want this to be perfect for my swappee and dammit, I’m going to, even if it takes a little longer to get it done.

Okay, enough rambling for one day.  Time to get out those frames and decide how to best make this house MY home!!!

Later Y’all.

A visit from Nan and face mask hell

Haven’t had much time to write lately. Had Nan here for the last week or so…such fun. It was great to get to spend some time with her, unfortunately, we also had to go to a funeral for her ex-boyfriend’s father. It was very sad, but the wake was actually kind of fun. Is it wrong to say that? It was a celebration of Tony’s life and everyone seemed to be having a good time, as good as can be expected in a situation like that, anyway.

The sleep apnea machine is here and it’s helping. I’m having a lot of trouble with the claustrophobia issue, though. I have to take Klonopin to get calm enough not to rip it off in a panic and that leaves me a little groggy the next day. I’m hoping that with time I’ll be able to lower the dose as I adjust until I don’t need it. I’m not using the machine as much as I should, but I’m trying and I’m feeling a difference already. I was told about Sleep Deprivation Banking, which basically means that my body has stored up sleep deprivation and so I’m still feeling the effects of it even now, but it’s not as bad as when I wasn’t using anything. So hopefully I’ll be back up to full strength and speed soon enough.

Jacob had his three year check up and things are good. We talked about behavior issues and how much I’ve spoiled him b/c of the guilt that I have for the time I couldn’t care for him as a baby. Dr. V. told me I need to just get over it, that he doesn’t remember it and that I’m not doing him any favors by spoiling him. Good advice and I’ve taken it to heart. We’re working on the concept of “NO” with him now. Lots of tantrums but I’m ignoring them like the doctor told me to. They are still fierce, but they seem to be getting shorter in duration. Dr. V. told us we have to deal with one issue at a time (he actually said up to three, but we’re going with one until we have some of the worst problems under control) and the next one will be sleeping in his room. I actually wanted to tackle this first but Dr. V. suggested we wait until he’s a little more under control. So he’s still laying here next to me while TJ sleeps downstairs. UGH…I’m lonely. The only problem is that his tonsils are on the large side; that combined with snoring and some random apneatic incidents means that we have to see the ENT on Thursday the 30th and decide if he’s having his tonsils out. I’m so worried even though it’s a simple thing and he probably won’t even need them out.

As for knitting. I’m working on a million things; I’ve got Lizard Ridge going as well as Booga Bag and X-mas knitting. Oh, and a pair of Jaywalkers and my scarf for my secret pal. I’ve been working on the swap scarf most, but I’ve had so little time to knit with everyone being sick and traveling down to my FIL’s.

We got to see our “old” friends, who are still very much our friends and it was so great!!! I didn’t realize how much I missed them until we were with all of them and their kids and Jake. He had a great time with Connor and Hunter and Griffin as well as Jude and Alexandria. All his little “cousins” were with him for the first time and I reveled in watching him have so much fun!!!