Halfway There
28 Feb 2010 2 Comments
in Jacob, Knit Night, Life, pregnancy Tags: chicago, depression, pregnancy
On Tuesday I will be 20 weeks pregnant!! I can’t believe that I am already half-way there; a little more I guess since they will do the c-section at either 38 or 39 weeks. Pregnancy is finally the wonderful experience that I remember it being with Jacob. This baby kicks several times a day (something I didn’t even feel the beginnings of with Jake until almost 25 weeks) and has been noticeably moving for several weeks now. I’ve actually felt the kicks on the outside once or twice, but TJ is never handy at the moment that Belly Bean (our nickname for this little one) decides to use all the power he/she has. I hate writing he/she, but hopefully after Tuesday’s ultra-sound I won’t have to anymore…fingers crossed. The big u/s is Tuesday (as I just said) and if the baby is cooperative we’ll know the sex. How exciting. Even more exciting, though, is that we’ll know that everything is okay with this baby and all the parts are working the way they should etc. When I first found out I was pregnant it seemed like everything was moving so slowly and that the end would never get here. I think I’m finally learning to slow down and just enjoy the process and being pregnant. I don’t want this to go by too quickly as it’s probably the last time I’m going to experience this.
I say probably b/c TJ and I went into this pregnancy positive that it was going to be our last, but the farther I get into this one, the more I think it wouldn’t be so bad to have just one more. Of course age becomes a factor. I’m going to be a few weeks away from my 36th birthday when this baby arrives and I would want to wait at least a year and half or two years before having another baby. It took quite awhile for us to get pregnant with this one and I have no reason to think that all the hormonal problems that I had getting pregnant with B.B. (belly bean) will just go away after the birth. So that would mean more rounds of Clomid (I don’t know if anyone in this family could handle my mood swings on that) more hoping, more disappointment initially and the possibility of it taking a year or more to happen. I have to ask myself if I want to be chasing a five-year old around when I’m in my early 40′s and what would it mean to the possibility of TJ being able to retire in his mid-50′s. I know all of these concerns are in the future, but they loom large in my mind for some reason.
This pregnancy has been great for my mental state!!! Just like when I was pregnant with Jacob, it seems that all the depression, isolation and myriad other problems that plague me during the rest of my life just go away. I’ve been leaving the house almost daily to go on outings, which anyone who knows me well knows is an extreme rarity for me. I’ve even started wearing make-up on an almost daily basis again. During the months and years of depression that followed Jacob’s birth and my back injury I had some good months where I made new friends and did social things, but of course I always crawled back into my proverbial hole and pulled away after a while. I don’t know why I did/do those things, but I do. Right now, though, the urge to get out there and mingle with the rest of the world is strong. I even thought about going to a knit night at Barnes and Noble a few weeks ago, but wasn’t sure if the reception would be chilly and I would feel even more isolated than I did when I was self-isolating. Long story short, I chickened out! Not proud of that. March is another month, though, and I will try again. What’s the worst thing that could happen, honestly? No one would talk to me, they would tell me they didn’t want me there? I doubt that any of those ladies would be that cruel. So even though I’m not expanding my horizons at the moment, I am really enjoying spending a lot more time with TJ outside the house. We’re getting together with another mother from Jake’s school next week and taking Jake, his best friend and said best friend’s sister to the circus. There’s a scary thought: Clowns. Hate ‘em! We’ve also been making family outings to the mall for Jake to play video games at the arcade when he has a good (green) week at school. I’ll admit that TJ and I play as much as we watch. It’s a fun family outing for all of us.
We’re also planning one last “family of three” trip over spring break for Jake. We’re going to take the train to Chicago and spend a few days going to the aquarium and the children’s museum. I think he’d be content to just have the train ride, but the rest will be a nice break and get away from home for all of us. I’ve been trying to do things with Jake that are fun for him as the time for the birth gets closer. He hasn’t shown much in the way of jealousy thus far, in fact he’s been really excited about this baby coming, but I think that once the reality of the situation sets in and the baby isn’t just a concept in my belly, he’s not going to be thrilled with it. He’ll love being a big brother, I think, but the loss of all the attention may be hard for him to deal with. We’ve been talking to him about it regularly and trying to reassure him that there is more than enough love in our hearts for him and this baby. Time will tell how he does with it, I guess…
Boring Day but a lot was accomplished.
14 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment
in Jacob, Knit Night, knitting, Life, ttc
I have a kitchen again!!! YAY! It’s not totally done, it still needs a new floor and cupboards/drawers etc. but the basics are in and working. I have a single bowl sink with a removable faucet to help clean dishes. The refrigerator is in the kitchen and running well. The dishwaher, while looking kind of ugly without the counter top that one normally sees over it, is running well without leaking. TJ and my FIL tell me that tomorrow night I should have my washer and dryer as well as sink basin down the basement fully functional.
My knitting has kind of taken a beating these last few days. I did finish the Twist wrist warmer that was suppsed to complete the pair for my mother who now tells me she doesn’t know where the original is and can I please make yet another one. G00d thing Malabrigo has a decent sized skein and this pattern doesn’t seem to use a ton of it. There’s enough left.
I ordered a bunch of Knit Picks Shine Sport last night to make the Moderne Baby Blanket from Mason/Dixon knitting. I’m using the colors Blush, Silver Sage, Green Apple, and Willow. All very lightish shades that I think the pink will stand out against, but not too much. I didn’t want to do anything too traditionally girly. I also ordered the yarn for the Anouk pattern from Knitty in the same brand and same colors that are reccomended. It seemed like a rather non-traditional kind of gift and it will serve more than one purpose. If it’s too big to be a dress for the new baby, the older girl who is three could probably wear it as a top for awhile first. I love clothes like that, especially baby clothes, that can serve multi-purposes. YAY!!
I’m planning a knit night here in the next month. Going to look at a calendar now…brb…Maybe Feb. 3rd or 4th or else the 10th or 11th. I’ll leave that up to the girls to decide. Shelly said that she would attend and I couldn’t be more excited about that. Maybe I can even convince Andrea to come down for a few days to be a part of things…we’ll see. I’m not really sure what to serve, bring etc. to this thing. I was thinking some pumpernicle and spinach dip b/c it’s always cool to eat the food container. Definitely a selection of wines and some beers; a few mixies etc. along with juice, iced tea, coffee, tea, and soda. That should keep everyone happy. I’ll bake some bread and put out butter and I’ll leave the rest to chance. I hope we have our love seat by then. Otherwise we’ll be using the coffee table as well as the couches and recliners. I just want everyone to be happy and to have a good time here. I miss hanging out and knitting with the gang but feel like I’m a bit out of step with everyone. ARGH!!!
I’ve picked the pattern for my CamelSpin yarn. I can’t remember what it’s called, but it’s a VERY simple triangular shawl with eyelettes and that’s about it. I wanted something that wasn’t too fussy nor too lacy and I want to feel the softeness all around me every time I wrap myself in it – which will be often. Later, when I can afford to buy more, I’ll make myself a HUGE Clapotis style wrap for laying on the couch with…without the drops, of course.
That’s about it. Nothing new to report except I might have to maim my child if he doesn’t stop asking to come and sleep next to me. It’s been a real bitch getting him to sleep in his own bed these last few weeks. We’ve moved his mattress right next to our blow up bed (we still have to get our bed unpacked and put back together) and that’s not good enough anymore. Now it’s all about wanting to be right up against me while he sleeps. UGH!!! I adore him and I want to be with him all the time, of course, but how will I ever have another baby with him in the bed with us anytime we enter this room. Babysitters are the key, I think. Someone to watch him so we have time to work on baby #2…LOL
Feeling Friendless…or maybe just sorry for myself…
28 Dec 2008 Leave a Comment
in Knit Night, Life, Zombie Prom Date Knitters Tags: friendship, narcotics, phobias, Zombie Prom Date Knitters
I think cabin fever has finally gotten to me. I’ve cut my pain meds. down a SIGNIFICANT amount as well as completely getting off of Zoloft and I’m seeing a HUGE change in myself and my drive to have a life. You know, like I have the drive to have a life that doesn’t revolve around solo knitting, interneting and sleeping. The problem is…I think I’ve driven all my friends away with my past ho-hum attitude and my unwillingness to make – or keep, if I’m being honest – plans. ARGH!! When Andrea lived with us I had a built in friend even if I bitched about the lack of privacy at times. When she first left, it was a relief; I didn’t have to deal with being “on” at all, ever, if I didn’t want to. One of the best things about having her around was her dragging me to things like knit night and other events even if I didn’t feel like getting dressed and going anywhere. I always had such a good time with “the girls”, that was never the problem. I didn’t even want to go home at the end of the afternoon/evening once I got there, it was the motivation to get there that was killing me. Much like my sex life, but that’s a whole other story for a different day/post. In a lot of ways, Andrea was really good for me and my social life. Now she’s gone, though. Has been since late Aug. and it’s just now really effecting me and my socializing (sad commentary about the state of my life, huh?)
So she’s gone and TJ and I are out of the “blue house” in Kalamazoo and living in our very own (bought and paid for) house in Battle Creek. Hmmm…my blog name doesn’t fit anymore. Somehow, though, Battle Creek Mommy Knits doesn’t sound as good. I like the alliteration. I think I’ll keep Kalamazoo Mommy…it sounds better and it’s close enough. But I digress… So we’re in our own home and it’s still got a long way to go. All the rooms are livable, but the bedrooms need painting and ours needs carpet. We need blinds, I’m sick of the neighbors, who I think might be drug dealers (both sides, sigh), being privy to every aspect of our lives. The biggest issue, though, is the kitchen. We still have to drag our appliances from blue house to this one (before the 10th when the house belongs to the bank…thanks again, Rachel, for the royal screwing) and finish bringing the furniture. Had we known that we were going to buy this house we wouldn’t have planned a three week trip to the other side of the country right before Christmas. What’s done is done, though, and whining and bitching won’t fix it. We need to get the shit done and get a kitchen in my house. We are making due surprisingly well, though, with a refrigerator down the basement, an electric fry pan, two crock pots and a microwave. We managed to have Christmas Eve at our house for family, feed them and even have leftovers. Sweet and sour meatballs…mmmm…oops, I’m digressing again. LOL We also need to go out and buy a new love seat, the chaise chair we have, while comfy and pretty, isn’t really a very viable option for company. I think a love seat that matches the club chair and couch would be a much better fit. Especially since I want to start hosting a knit/spin night here once a month. I feel like I have so much to give back to my knitting friends and I love the thought of entertaining in my very own home. I admit, too, there’s the smallest pull at the thought of not having to go out and still being social; old habits and all…
So now I’m starting to feel a lot more like my old self. The self I was back before I moved to Kalamazoo 10 years ago. When I was still down in the Detroit area there was very rarely a night when I just sat at home in front of the TV doing nothing. I was always out and about. Clearly hurting my back the way I did when Jake was born changed a lot of that, but I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly before he was born, either. Living up north created, or brought to the surface, most of the fears that have plauged me for the last 4 years or so. The fear of driving being right up there with reasons for me to stay (safely) in the house. Cutting down the meds and this new house (new start?) seem to have taken care of that. I actually left the house today to go shopping and out to eat with Jake while TJ is out of town. There was plenty of food in the house and no reason I HAD to leave, but I made the choice and I’m happy to have done it. I felt so normal when we got home. Sad, huh? Now that I’m ready to have a social life again, though, I fear that I’ve driven away the very people I want to be social with.
I’ve blown off or declined to make plans with Shannon more times than I can count and I don’t even know how to start going about making that up to her. Sorry, if you’re reading this. My knitting girls I haven’t seen in over a year – I keep saying I’m going to come to knit events and then blow them off. Not that I think it really effects anyone one way or the other if I’m there or not, but it does kind of destroy my credibility. So now I’m feeling like maybe it would be better for me to just try to make all new friends (my favorite M.O.). The problem is that I DON’T WANT TO!! I like the friends that I have/had and I want to get back into the swing of things. I just don’t seem to know how. See, I warned the world in my post title that I’m feeling seriously sorry for myself tonight. I’m bored to death and wish I was out doing something, of course I can’t be with TJ out of town and Jake here.
Jake and I spent the whole day today, other than when we were out, playing Wii. I love, love, love that thing. BEST Christmas gift we got this year. Jake loves bowling, fishing (UGH) and billiards. He’s really good at bowling, too, and often out scores both his father and myself. It’s so cute to watch him play. It’s not enough, though. I need friends, I need a life outside of this house. I will NOT be a prisoner in my own house, mind etc. anymore. I WILL overcome this, somehow. Any thoughts, advice etc. are more than welcome!!
If you’re still here and reading, thanks…there will be actual knitting content next time, which will be soon. Have a happy new year everyone!!
Spindles Rock and This and That…
18 Nov 2008 Leave a Comment
in Knit Night, knitting, Life, Zombie Prom Date Knitters Tags: holiday, knitting, spindles, spindling, spinning, vacation
I’ve fallen in love!!! The spindle is a spinner’s best friend, IMO. Just recently Spinsanity commented to me that a lot of people see spindling as a stepping stone of sorts to the “real” spinning on a wheel. I have to shamefully admit that, until recently, I was one of those people. I really had a lot of trouble getting it together when it came to spindle spinning. My singles were always lumpy bumpy and just not pretty. Then I got Penelope
My baby...well, okay my second baby. Can
and after some rough starts, it all started to come together for me. I felt like I was actually learning to spin for real. This reinforced the notion that the spindle was a stepping stone and not a very good one at that. Boy was I wrong. Recently, I picked up a few more spindles from Spinsanity in exchange for some fiber at the Michigan Fiber Festival (I’m still waiting on my kokopeli one, but she’s busy and I’m not in a hurry) and when I got home I really wanted to try out the square one I’d been coveting for some time.
Tweaky guarding the spindle and fiber
For some reason, something just clicked for me at this point and all of a sudden, I could spin on a spindle. So, in my case anyway, the spinning wheel was a stepping stone for the spindle. Now I find that as much as I love Penelope, I spin more often than not on the spindles. It’s a lot easier to control the amount of spin as well as being a hell of a lot more portable. Right now I have a gorgeous soysilk/wool blend on one of my spindles from Flawful Fibers called Trinket that is spinning like a dream. I’m spinning it at 30 wpi and trying to decide whether to keep it laceweight or to ply it into something like a dk weight. I still don’t have a lot of experience plying fiber, but I’m willing to try. On deck is a colorway called Teddybear Trio from DK Knits that is going to be Spirogyra mitts from Knitty.com. There was a great article in the same issue about spinning for these mitts that inspired me and I’m going to give it a whirl. This is the first time that I’ve spun something for a specific purpose and I’m thrilled and terrified at the same time. Yay/Ugh. I think I’m going to use a round spindle as opposed to my square one for this, though, as I have a tendecy to get fiber caught and ultimately broken on the square corners when winding on and I don’t want to do that.
As for the this and that…I had planned to go to Zombie Prom Date Knitting this past week, but it didn’t work out b/c of work on the new house. I’m going to miss all the knitting activities for the next few weeks b/c we’re leaving Saturday morning for a three week trip to AZ to visit TJ’s grandparents who haven’t seen Jake since he was 4 months and then on to my mother’s for a visit and a trip to Sea World San Diego with Jake, which I know he’ll adore given his obsession with all sea creatures, but especially sharks and whales. We’ll be back in mid-December and then will be busting our humps to get everything ready b/c I, like the dumbass I am, insisted that my mother in law and Tj’s aunts come to our house for Christmas this year. I’m nervous as all hell, but I’m also really excited. After that, though, I’d really like to host a knit night at our new house. I’d love for the ZPDK people (are you reading this Holly and Shannon?!?! What do you think? I’d love some feedback and advice) I figure since I haven’t been a very social knitter and I love my knitting peeps, I’d have them over, ply them with food and booze and knitting and get their love back. Seriously, though, I just want to have my girlfriends over to knit and drink and eat the goodies I’m going to make in my new kitchen. I’ve never hosted something like this, or anything really, so any advice about what to make etc. would be much appreciated. It would mean the world to me to have you guys there. So please, please, please say yes!!!! Let me know what you think. I’ll have access to the computer for the next few days and then (gasp) no internet access for the whole trip as this Toshiba piece of shit (that I’ve had since July) is going into the shop b/c the power cord doesn’t want to give me power. My cell number, should you want to call to talk about the logistics is 269-779-4755 (If I get too many crank calls from putting it out here, I’ll just change it as it’s a new number and really no one has it yet, LOL) so let me know. I’ll cross post the knitting night info on the ravelry board for ZPDK.
For those of you I won’t see/talk to before the holidays, have a great time. Love you all!!!!
A little of this and a little of that.
23 Oct 2008 Leave a Comment
in Knit Night, Life, Medical, Yarn Swap Tags: agorophobia, friendship, moving, new house, phobias, Yarn Swap
Maybe not as better as I thought. The kidney infection is still gone, thank God, but now I’m plauged with cluster or migraine headaches that suck just as badly if not worse.
I”m getting my shit together, though. Even though it was late, I got my secret swap package sent. I really hope she likes it. I plan to spoil her rotten next month (the last package) to make up for the lateness. I’ve wanted to be a much better swap partner than I’ve been, but my swapee has been so great and understanding about everything I’ve been through. I’ve been blessed with great swap partners on both sides. Since my camera seems to be another of the things on the dead list, I thought I would just go ahead and describe what I got in my first package ( a little late, I know, but I was hoping to have pictures instead of just describing…argh). First and foremost I got an amazing skein of sock yarn from the Great Aiderondak Yarn Company; mostly deep, saturated blues and burgandies with some orange, green and purple thrown in for good measure. Swapper (I’m tired of saying “my partner” etc. so I will just call her swapper for now) said that she hoped it would inspire me to try my hand at socks and all I can say to her is “enabler!” LOL. I am going to try to make a pair of socks with it once I’ve finished up my commitments to X-mas knitting. There were goodies for Jake (too sweet) also a Disney towel that expands and opens when you throw it in the water…I’m saving that for a day that a bath is the last thing on his agenda. There were two stunning stitch markers that had leaf charms on them and I’m in love…of course I’m a total stitch marker whore to begin with so that isn’t too surprising. There was a tub of body butter (another of my weaknesses in life; I swear Swapper read my mind) in a very relaxing lavendar scent…great for right before bed moisturizing; calming and soothing scents help me drift off to sleep (now if I could only stay asleep…) I saved the best for last, though, an absolutely charming little project bag with squirrels and pumpkins all over it; the perfect autumn project bag. I will post pictures as soon as I get the camera working again, or get a new one, whichever comes first. 
On the house front, it’s a done deal now. We had our inspection and everything came back okay, so we’re going ahead and will be closing on election day. We’re hoping to be fully moved in by Christmas. There’s quite a bit to do in the kitchen. That’s an understatement, really. We have to gut the whole thing and start over. I’m excited about that prospect, though. It means that the floors, counters and cupboards will all be our choices and that will make it feel even more like home. We’re also going to get all new fixtures and lighting to start with. Those will be our two big before we can move in projects. There are a lot of other little changes and tweaks that we want to do here and there, but they will come over time. There is so much really beautiful old, dark wood in the house and I’m in love with it. I’d love to be moved in even sooner, but we leave for CA and AZ in mid-November and will be gone for 3 weeks. It makes for a bit of a crunch to get everything done in time for moving in; in my insanity I’ve insisted that I want to host Christmas Eve for my MIL, BIL and SIL (really by BIL’s girlfriend, but they’ve been together since Jake was a newborn and she’s his “Aunt Katiebugs” so that makes her family in my book) in the new house. The offer was made in the excitement of getting the house and I’m a little stressed about it, but I don’t regret it. It’s my motivation to stay on track and get things done.
I really think this move will be good for me. A fresh start, if you will. Andrea disappeared on us, again. I don’t know why I thought this time would be different, but it’s the elimination of one of my crutches to stay in the house all the time. I’ve been working (with limited success) on becoming a much more social person. I’m trying to get past all the phobias and hermit-like habits that I became so enmeshed with when we were in Lake City. I’ve made some really good friends in the last year or so and I really hope I haven’t blown them by being me and not ever going out of the house. It’s the craziest thing. I WANT to go out and do things, I have a great time when I’m out with friends, but when it comes time to actually LEAVE the house, to go out, I feel this panic start to rise inside me. The last time I did anything social was the Michigan Fiber Festival with Andrea, Shannon, Emily, Kai (I know I spelled that wrong, didn’t I Shannon?) and Abby. Jake had so much fun with the kids and I had a blast with the older folks. We made plans to get together and Jake got sick, then I got sick and this whole thing spiralled. Needless to say, plans never happened and even though TJ keeps telling me that people understand when you’re sick etc. I feel too embarrased to call and apologize for my freakish behaviors and phobias – again. Yes, I know I’m an idiot. So anyway, I plan to be a lot more social and spend time with my knitting group again (if they’ll still have me) and do other things. Being in Battle Creek will be good in that sense since one of my biggest hurdles is the long drive (and yes, for me Kalamazoo to Battle Creek seems like a LONG drive). It’s time to get Jake socializing with other kids and to allow myself to have a life and have fun and not hole up in the house like some sort of leper. I deserve to have a life and friends, damnit and I’m not going to blow it if I get a second, or is it third or fourth, chance. Okay, when did this become a self-pitying rant about how I’ve screwed up friendships and made a agoraphobic out of myself? Life is positive and I’m going to be positive. Self-loathing over, let’s move on!!
Dental time…ugh
27 Dec 2007 3 Comments
in Life, Medical, Zombie Prom Date Knitters Tags: dentist, knitting, tooth ache, Zombie fighting, Zombie Prom Date Knitters
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have a deep and abiding fear of the dentist. I don’t know where it comes from or why I can’t shake it, but it’s there and it’s strong. I have to have the nitrous gas at the dentist just to walk into the room and have them look at my teeth – yes, it’s really that bad. That’s why I have the ugliest teeth in creation. Fear is really a damaging thing. It’s embarrasing to be a grown adult with a husband and a child and still have this totally child like fear of the dentist. There it is, though.
I have been having major trouble with my mouth for the last four or five months now…there is a cavity in my front top tooth that needs to be taken care of – it’s almost impossible to miss and I always feel like everyone is staring at it and making comments behind my back (just b/c you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re NOT out to get you). Anyway, I bit the big baby bullet and went to see a new dentist last Tuesday. It wasn’t a terrible experience and everyone seemed really nice. Of course I was higher than kite on nitrous the whole time which tends to color the whole thing in a much rosier light than may be accurate. I have an appointment at the end of January to deal with the issues that the neglect I’ve visited upon my mouth has created. In the meantime, it’s brush, brush, brush and watch what I eat so as not to aggravate the situation.
The holiday season was apparently not very good for that. After my last post, I sauntered downstairs; that’s right, I saunter at times; to eat some breakfast and discovered that I have a MAJOR toothache ‘a brewing. So here I am, waiting for pain meds from my back to kick in enough to make talking feasible and praying it will be soon. I’m supposed to go to ZPDK in an hour and if I don’t start to feel a little better soon, I’m going to miss it for the third week in a row. I SUCK!! I miss my knitting gals. I don’t get my weekly dose of Holly and Shelly laughter if I don’t go and that’s a real tragedy. I can see Shannon more readily, as I have her phone number and I see her for other knitting events as well. Hey, Shannon, lets do something this coming week – TJ is taking Jake up north on Monday and I’m on my own for a few days. Give me a call, let me know what you’re plans are for Mon-Thurs. Actually Tues. I guess, since TJ works till 4 on Monday.
Zombie Gals: So sorry to have missed you all for almost a month. I’m a bad Zombie fighter, but fear not, Holly, if I see any on my own, I’ll take care of them to the best of my ability {GRIN}. I WILL be back next week, I promise, hopefully with no more tooth pain and a slightly prettier smile. I’ll be thinking of you all this afternoon while I’m sitting here waiting to hear from the dentist and hoping I can be fit in sometime today. If any of you gals want to get together and do something next week, I’m free and up for an fiberly adventure…Let me know. Have fun knitting, see you guys soon.
Merry Christmas…better late than never, right?
27 Dec 2007 Leave a Comment
in gift giving, Jacob, Knit Night, knitting, Life, spinning, Zombie Prom Date Knitters Tags: Christmas gifts, fear of leaving the house, knitting, knitting groups, Malabrigo, thrummed mittens, traveling, Zombie Prom Date Knitter
I don’t post nearly enough. I’ve been in a computer funk/trying like a madwoman to get X-mas knitting done. I didn’t finish on time (should have seen that coming) but I did show the progress I had made to the people who were supposed to get gifts; they were duely impressed and I’m going to have to keep working my butt off to get things done before V-Day. LOL Mom’s moebius scarf was actually done, the knitting at least, but I didn’t finish the blocking so I didn’t want to give it to her. She liked it, though. We also gave her a collage frame with pictures of Jake and us and John and Kate (brother in law and his girlfriend of 4 years – who say they’re getting married at the beginning of the year but we’ll see) and even one of her (Mom) at Christmas Eve Celebration. It really was a nice gift. I wish we did more crap like that for our house which, after a year of living here, still lacks all but the most basic of decoration. We suck at that homey stuff. Blah. Fran’s shawl is nowhere near done, but I did show her my progress and, again, it was complimented. I feel like absolute crap about that one, b/c it was the only gift we had for her and now she’ll have to wait for it. I’m going to prioritize getting that done after a SHORT break. It’s all I’ve been working on for weeks now and, frankly, I’m sick of it.
Right now I’m working on a pair of Fetching mitts for myself using the Malabrigo that I got before X-mas. I also want to make the thrummed mittens for myself that I saw on Grumperina’s blog. So pretty. I have some bamboo roving on the way, but I’m not sure it will be warm enough. I have plenty of other roving as well, so I’m sure I’ll find something to use.
I’ve done a fair amount of spinning over the holidays. The roving I got from Over the Rainbow Yarns on Ebay is spinning up really prettily. It’s full of electric blues and vivid pinks with some deap teal and a hint of purple thrown in for fun. I’ve been reading Spinning the Old Way and it’s been giving great insight into spindle spinning and I’m getting better, I think. I still have to give Shannon too her spindle for X-mas and I have yet to get something for Emily as well. I’m lazy, lazy, lazy.
Jake had a great X-mas. Got lots of stuff: a Leap Frog computer, REAL Tonka truck (metal and everything), a Thomas the Tank Engine playset, Radio Controlled racing game, some books, some clothes (which he didn’t care about) etc. TJ and I didn’t do too bad either. All in all it was a very nice Christmas with his family. I’m hoping to be out in CA next year with my mom and family for Christmas and after that start our own “at home” family traditions. All the travelling for just a day or two is hard on me and on Jake. I’m not big on the leaving the house to begin with and I have so much of it coming up. In Feb. I’m off to CA for three weeks to a month, then in April we’re off to Delaware for TJ’s work (we will be getting a side trip to DC out of it, though and I CAN’T WAIT for that), then in June/July we’re back out west to AZ to visit TJ’s grandparents (they haven’t seen Jake since he was 4 months old) and I might make a “side trip” to Texas to visit my best girlfriend, Brooke. She’s had a tough year; she lost her father to a six year battle with prostate cancer; and I want to spend some time with her. That’s a lot of travel for the girl who went six weeks or more without ever stepping foot any father than the front porch last year. See, all this going out to knit has been really good for me. It’s opened up horizons that I thought were closed forever. I actually like being social and all that. LOL
Off to have a late breakfast with the family. TJ has been tending to little man while I play on the “puger” (Jake’s word for it). Time to do my share. Later friends.
Beat the repeat and other adventures
07 Dec 2007 2 Comments
in knitting, patterns, shawls, yarn, Zombie Prom Date Knitters Tags: knitting, lace knitting, rayon, silk, yarn, Zombie Prom Date Knitters
I finally beat the lace repeat from hell!!! I swear the thing was trying to drive me insane. I’ve been cruising along on the BJLL shawl and then I got to repeat number 12 (you would think it would have been #13 that was unlucky…lol). For some reason, I just couldn’t get through this repeat. Something went wrong with one of the 8 rows of it 4 different times. Good thing I moved the repeat at the beginning of each repeat, so I only had to rip back 8 rows or less each time. I just kept having to go back to the beginning of the repeat and I was getting more and more frustrated with it. After three days of trying, though, I finally got through it the other night. I let out such a whoop of joy, I startled the cat who jumped up and then fell off the bed.
Last night was my first Zombie Prom Date Knitters without Andrea with me; my first knitting anything without her. I still didn’t have to drive, though. Shannon was kind enough to pick me up and drive me to Water Street and then TJ and little man picked me up. I really do have to start driving, but the snow makes me really paranoid about driving. Give me a nice, clear, warmish day and I’ll be all over it!!
Got more yarn in the mail yesterday: some kidsilk spray (yummy) and some hand-dyed rayon/silk in pretty pink shades. Will photo and put up later or tomorrow…
Grief sneaks up on you
02 Dec 2007 Leave a Comment
in Knit Night, Life, Zombie Prom Date Knitters Tags: death, depression, grief, isolation, loss, pet death, pet loss
Corky’s been gone 2 weeks tomorrow. The first night and the following day were pretty bad, then Thanksgiving and traveling were upon us and that took my mind off of things. Coming home gave me a twinge of sadness, but I shook it off. Corky was really sick and he was weak enough that he couldn’t even tell us if he was in pain or not. We made the best, nay the ONLY decision that a caring, loving family could make for their pet. I was okay with the decision and I was getting over the loss. So I thought…
I wasn’t feeling like being social at all the night after Corky left us, but my BIL was visiting from up north. So we moved the cable box up to the TV in our bedroom (which usually isn’t even plugged in) and holed up for the night to wallow in my grief and self pity. The problem is that it’s two weeks later and the TV and cable box are still up here. Most of Jake’s toys have also made their way up here. More and more lately, I don’t want to leave the room; I don’t want to face the memories of Corky that are all over the living room and kitchen. I don’t want to face my grief. The more I’m up here, though, the worse I feel. I don’t notice it all that often, I just see it as tired, and not feeling well, but when I look at it objectively, usually in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep, I see it for what it is: a downward spiral of depression and self-pity. It’s not healthy. It’s not good for me or for Jake or for anyone else for that matter. The housework isn’t up to par, the cat box is dirty, TJ is sleeping on the couch b/c I don’t sleep and even Jake is starting to act out.
It’s time to shake the cobwebs out of my head and do something about this. I could be complacent about this for months, letting the time slip by without my even really noticing it, but the one who really suffers here is Jacob and I have to be more concerned about his well being than I am weak and depressed. I have to fight this for his sake as well as for mine.
I haven’t left the house in days. Not good. It’s reminiscent of the last months in Lake City. I even missed knitting last week, which isn’t like me at all. Sure, I had a decent reason, TJ had work to get done after being at work so much all week. It would have been a MAJOR inconvenience for him to take Jake for the few hours I would have been gone, but he would have done it and without complaint. I know that. It really was just a lot easier to stay in bed, watch movies with Jacob and not bother with the world. The thing is that I know I would have had a great time! Ilove the Zombie Prom Daters and being one is one of my favorite things. I always have a great time and laugh a ton when I’m with Spinsanity. I just didn’t have it in me. It was totally self destructive, though. This week I’m going not only to ZPDK but to Guild as well and to Spinsanity’s house for some knitting/spinning before guild. I’m jumping back into life even if feels like it takes everything I have to do it. The TV is also coming down tomorrow no matter what. If we want to watch TV, it will be in the living room like normal people. I’m coming back, baby, just wait and see.
Turkey Day recap…
25 Nov 2007 Leave a Comment
in Jacob, knitting, Life, projects, Zombie Prom Date Knitters Tags: family, knitting, Thanksgiving, traveling
Thanksgiving is over and we’re back home. It seems like the holidays go by faster and faster every year. This year’s trip to Detroit, which I have to admit I was rather dreading, turned out to be one of the best that we’ve had in years.
Weds: We left Kalamazoo around 4:30 (later than planned) b/c I was in bed much of the day with a splitting headache and some back pain. The ride down was uneventful if long and tedious. There were at least 3 accidents/slow downs on I-94 between Kalamazoo and the exit for I-69 which is basically Lansing (I think). TJ made the executive decision to get off there and take I-96 instead. 2 more accidents were found. People had apparently completely forgotten how to drive in the rain. What should have been a 2 hour ride turned out to be about 3 and a half. We got to Dad’s and unloaded then got ready to go to the bar. Little did I realize that the night before Thanksgiving is the biggest bar night of the year. I guess I really am very much out of touch. The bar, Shots, used to be a little hole in the wall where Bubba and friends were the only people who were there regularly. I was expecting a quiet night of drinking, playing pool and/or darts and catching up with old friends. What I got was a VERY crowded bar (well over capacity) and not being able to spend any time at all with friends b/c of the crowds. Andrea and I spent most of the evening sitting at a table in the back of the bar; it was less smoky and, more importantly, if we had gotten up we’d have lost the table. TJ ran into Eds Sr. and Jr. so he was all set. I did see Robin Young (who is pregnant with baby #4) and Jackie Poulette (who I haven’t seen in at least 7 or 8 years) so that was kind of cool. Sean and I didn’t say two words to each other all night, how odd. I suppose, though, that I was the one who was being cold. He hasn’t returned phone calls, though, so why would I think he’d want to talk in person? I don’t regret it, but I hope that he doesn’t think that I don’t want anything to do with him. Friendships become so complicated when there is a jealous significant other in the picture. It was really much too late a night for me, I’m not used to closing down bars anymore…LOL
Thursday: Woke up hungover (I only had a drink and a half for Pete’s sake) but it didn’t last long. We spent part of the day just sitting around Dad’s house. It was a nice little relaxing day. Went to Mom’s house for a pre-dinner drink and to visit. Jake didn’t want to leave for dinner b/c his Thomas the Tank Engine set was there, but we got around that fit by taking it with us to Aunt Nancy’s. Dinner at Aunt Nancy’s was divine!! Small group of people, delectable food, I couldn’t have asked for anything more. We were back at Dad’s early and stuffed and in bed by 10:30 with Jacob.
Friday: A day for relaxing. Got up and lolled around Dad’s house through early afternoon. Got some work done on my Circular Shrug – I really think I’m going to like this pattern (or at least the yarn; it’s my first time using the Silver Thaw). It really is such a simple shawl. I wanted to get work done on the Blue Jean Leaf Lace Shawl, but it’s the kind of pattern that you need to concentrate on and can’t sit and have conversation and watch Jacob while working on. In the afternoon we went back to TJ’s mother’s house and had a second turkey dinner and just hung out for awhile. Jake loves going there; there are so many toys for him and he knows exactly where that toy box is. After leaving Mom’s, we went to Rusty and Shannon’s house. Their daughter Alexandria is 16 months and she’s just the cutest thing. I want to make her something, I just haven’t decided what yet. Suggestions are welcome. She’s a bit of a tom boy and she’s definitely a bigger toddler. She’s already almost 25 lbs while Jake (who is admittedly smaller) is only 30 lbs. Rusty’s brother Ed and sister Renee came over as well. She brought her five year old, Jason, who Jake loved playing with. I really do wish that he had the chance to grow up with his “cousins” as it were. Finally Jimmy and Stacy Jean showed up with their son, Griffin who is an adorable, if somewhat timid two year old. Stacy is also about 4 months pregnant with number 2 and she looks so damn cute with that little belly. I can’t wait to be pregnant again. Maybe soon…fingers crossed. We stayed out there for a few hours, went back to Dad’s house and watched National Treasure (great movie, btw) and went to bed.
Saturday: Got up at 8:30 and sat around for about an hour. We packed up, got on the road and both Jake and I promptly fell asleep for the entire ride home. We went shopping and spent the evening at home. Nothing overly exciting, but it’s my life and I like it that way.
Now I’m just getting back into the swing of things…like I’ve been gone for months…lol. It’s going to take Jake a few days to adjust, it always does when his schedule gets turned around. I’m just waiting for Zombie Prom Date day…:)
