Maybe not as better as I thought. The kidney infection is still gone, thank God, but now I’m plauged with cluster or migraine headaches that suck just as badly if not worse.
I”m getting my shit together, though. Even though it was late, I got my secret swap package sent. I really hope she likes it. I plan to spoil her rotten next month (the last package) to make up for the lateness. I’ve wanted to be a much better swap partner than I’ve been, but my swapee has been so great and understanding about everything I’ve been through. I’ve been blessed with great swap partners on both sides. Since my camera seems to be another of the things on the dead list, I thought I would just go ahead and describe what I got in my first package ( a little late, I know, but I was hoping to have pictures instead of just describing…argh). First and foremost I got an amazing skein of sock yarn from the Great Aiderondak Yarn Company; mostly deep, saturated blues and burgandies with some orange, green and purple thrown in for good measure. Swapper (I’m tired of saying “my partner” etc. so I will just call her swapper for now) said that she hoped it would inspire me to try my hand at socks and all I can say to her is “enabler!” LOL. I am going to try to make a pair of socks with it once I’ve finished up my commitments to X-mas knitting. There were goodies for Jake (too sweet) also a Disney towel that expands and opens when you throw it in the water…I’m saving that for a day that a bath is the last thing on his agenda. There were two stunning stitch markers that had leaf charms on them and I’m in love…of course I’m a total stitch marker whore to begin with so that isn’t too surprising. There was a tub of body butter (another of my weaknesses in life; I swear Swapper read my mind) in a very relaxing lavendar scent…great for right before bed moisturizing; calming and soothing scents help me drift off to sleep (now if I could only stay asleep…) I saved the best for last, though, an absolutely charming little project bag with squirrels and pumpkins all over it; the perfect autumn project bag. I will post pictures as soon as I get the camera working again, or get a new one, whichever comes first. 
On the house front, it’s a done deal now. We had our inspection and everything came back okay, so we’re going ahead and will be closing on election day. We’re hoping to be fully moved in by Christmas. There’s quite a bit to do in the kitchen. That’s an understatement, really. We have to gut the whole thing and start over. I’m excited about that prospect, though. It means that the floors, counters and cupboards will all be our choices and that will make it feel even more like home. We’re also going to get all new fixtures and lighting to start with. Those will be our two big before we can move in projects. There are a lot of other little changes and tweaks that we want to do here and there, but they will come over time. There is so much really beautiful old, dark wood in the house and I’m in love with it. I’d love to be moved in even sooner, but we leave for CA and AZ in mid-November and will be gone for 3 weeks. It makes for a bit of a crunch to get everything done in time for moving in; in my insanity I’ve insisted that I want to host Christmas Eve for my MIL, BIL and SIL (really by BIL’s girlfriend, but they’ve been together since Jake was a newborn and she’s his “Aunt Katiebugs” so that makes her family in my book) in the new house. The offer was made in the excitement of getting the house and I’m a little stressed about it, but I don’t regret it. It’s my motivation to stay on track and get things done.
I really think this move will be good for me. A fresh start, if you will. Andrea disappeared on us, again. I don’t know why I thought this time would be different, but it’s the elimination of one of my crutches to stay in the house all the time. I’ve been working (with limited success) on becoming a much more social person. I’m trying to get past all the phobias and hermit-like habits that I became so enmeshed with when we were in Lake City. I’ve made some really good friends in the last year or so and I really hope I haven’t blown them by being me and not ever going out of the house. It’s the craziest thing. I WANT to go out and do things, I have a great time when I’m out with friends, but when it comes time to actually LEAVE the house, to go out, I feel this panic start to rise inside me. The last time I did anything social was the Michigan Fiber Festival with Andrea, Shannon, Emily, Kai (I know I spelled that wrong, didn’t I Shannon?) and Abby. Jake had so much fun with the kids and I had a blast with the older folks. We made plans to get together and Jake got sick, then I got sick and this whole thing spiralled. Needless to say, plans never happened and even though TJ keeps telling me that people understand when you’re sick etc. I feel too embarrased to call and apologize for my freakish behaviors and phobias – again. Yes, I know I’m an idiot. So anyway, I plan to be a lot more social and spend time with my knitting group again (if they’ll still have me) and do other things. Being in Battle Creek will be good in that sense since one of my biggest hurdles is the long drive (and yes, for me Kalamazoo to Battle Creek seems like a LONG drive). It’s time to get Jake socializing with other kids and to allow myself to have a life and have fun and not hole up in the house like some sort of leper. I deserve to have a life and friends, damnit and I’m not going to blow it if I get a second, or is it third or fourth, chance. Okay, when did this become a self-pitying rant about how I’ve screwed up friendships and made a agoraphobic out of myself? Life is positive and I’m going to be positive. Self-loathing over, let’s move on!!
